Unexpected (6)
I sat at the table, staring blankly at Sa Hae-geon. My mind wasn’t working properly, perhaps because I had just realized something tremendous. Even in this confusing situation, the thought that filled my head was that I still had to do what needed to be done. To prevent myself from suddenly guiding, I looked at Sa Hae-geon, who was standing a bit away from me, and his large body flinched.
It’s not like he’s a puppy looking guilty after misbehaving.
“Let’s start with the guiding first.”
“Hyung.”
“I don’t know about other things, but at least listen to me about guiding. It’s not for my sake, but for yours.”
“You don’t have to. I don’t want you to strain yourself or have a hard time because of me.”
“Oh really? Then I’ll rephrase. It’s not for you, but for me. As a guide, I can’t just ignore an Esper who needs guiding.”
“…”
“So, will you cooperate with me, Hae-geon?”
Watching Sa Hae-geon’s bewildered face as he moved his lips trying to find words, I stood up and added:
“I’ll help today too.”
“What? No. I’ll do it. You just sit down.”
“I can’t let you run away again.”
“I won’t run away. I promise.”
Even so, when I looked at him with a doubtful gaze, Sa Hae-geon said as if he felt wronged:
“Really. I can bet my heart on it.”
“You keep betting your heart since last time? I’ll trust you, so don’t bet your heart. That’s a bit too much.”
“I only bet it with you, hyung.”
Sa Hae-geon mumbled his protest and then cleared the empty bowls spread out on the table. The bowls, stacked neatly like towers, were placed in the sink. Soon after, three towers were built in the sink. After quickly clearing the table, Sa Hae-geon began to demolish the three towers with clattering sounds.
He perfectly wiped not only the dishes in the sink but also the water droplets splashed around it, then looked at me. Then, as if he suddenly remembered something, he hurriedly headed to the bathroom.
“Where are you going?”
“I’m not running away. I’m just going to wash my hands.”
Sa Hae-geon’s voice sounded urgent, as if he was worried I might misunderstand.
“You don’t have to wash with too hot water.”
“…I won’t.”
It wasn’t a very credible answer, but I didn’t push it further. Shortly after, Sa Hae-geon came out of the bathroom, clenching and unclenching his reddened hands. When my gaze turned towards him, Sa Hae-geon hid his hands behind his back and explained:
“It’s not because I used hot water, it’s just because my skin is sensitive.”
His large body squeezed into the seat next to me. With a rather displeased look, I grabbed Sa Hae-geon’s hesitant hand and slowly began guiding. After not being able to guide for a few days, Sa Hae-geon’s wavelength had returned to its initial state.
It seems the wavelength, like its owner Sa Hae-geon, is stubborn and willful. I carefully unraveled the tangled wavelength, gradually pushing in my own. As I was guiding, unraveling the intertwined threads like a tangled skein, an uncomfortable sensation began to come over me.
My heart, which had been beating normally, felt like it suddenly dropped, causing me to involuntarily gasp. What followed was a deep and sticky sense of helplessness and exhaustion that tried to take over me. It choked my throat to the point where I felt like my heart, which had sunk to the bottom, might never beat again.
It felt like something was strongly constricting my throat, making it difficult to breathe properly. Is this even possible? Is it possible for Sa Hae-geon’s emotions to affect me so vividly? No, more than that, why did Sa Hae-geon feel these emotions in the first place? What happened?
Every time I tried to breathe, my insides twisted. When I suddenly froze and couldn’t do anything while in the middle of guiding, Sa Hae-geon’s face turned pale. He asked with a trembling voice:
“H-hyung. A-are you okay?”
Strangely, hearing Sa Hae-geon’s voice, which seemed terrified, made me feel like I was gradually calming down. Only after the reckless sensations and emotions had subsided to some extent could I answer Sa Hae-geon’s question, taking deep breaths that I had momentarily stopped. With an awkward smile:
“…Ah. Yeah, I’m okay.”
I had suggested guiding first, so I couldn’t show any strange behavior. I tried to smile somehow, but it must have looked quite different to Sa Hae-geon. I could see in real-time how Sa Hae-geon’s expression hardened after seeing my face.
Sa Hae-geon opened and closed his mouth as if at a loss for words, then asked with a voice that was still trembling:
“It’s because of me, right? It’s because of me, isn’t it? Stop guiding, hyung. You don’t have to guide me anymore. I’m really okay.”
He didn’t stop there and kept asking various questions.
“Are you really okay? Do you feel dizzy or nauseous?”
“…I’m fine.”
“Hyung, your face is still pale. Your hands seem to be shaking too. You don’t look fine at all.”
I was actually starting to feel better, but I swallowed the words that I was getting dizzy again because of his fuss, and tried to calm Sa Hae-geon down.
“I’m okay. I’ll be fine after resting a bit. It’s the first time I’ve had to untangle such a blocked wavelength, so I overdid it a bit. That’s why you should receive guiding regularly without avoiding it.”
As I headed towards the room, giving what was not quite a reprimand, Sa Hae-geon followed me like a puppy, saying:
“It seems like you’re having a hard time because of me. I don’t like it when you struggle because of me.”
“Don’t you think that it became difficult because you didn’t receive my guiding on time?”
Ignoring my question, Sa Hae-geon brought a chair from the dining table and placed it next to my bed. Then he stared at me as if to say, “What are you doing?”
“…Why?”
“Hurry and lie down to rest, hyung.”
“No, I can rest alone, why did you bring the chair?”
I stared in bewilderment at Sa Hae-geon, who was carefully examining where I would lie down instead of answering my question. He finally made me lie down on the bed and covered me with a thick blanket up to just below my neck. Then he sat on the dining chair he had brought and began to observe me with a serious gaze.
I was about to break out in a cold sweat under his thorough and burdensome gaze.
“Hyung, are you sure you don’t need to go to the hospital or get a check-up?”
“Yeah. It’s not that serious.”
“But don’t you think it would be good to get an examination and consultation just in case?”
The words almost came out that if we did that, we might both be dragged to the Ability Department’s affiliated research institute and be subjected to numerous questions and various tests every day as experimental subjects. Of course, the possibility wasn’t high, but since it was a rare case, the Ability Department would surely pursue us persistently.
Just imagining it made me tired and exhausted. I turned my body to the left, trying to avoid Sa Hae-geon who was chattering beside me. Then the tactless Sa Hae-geon moved the dining chair to my left side and sat down. Before he could bombard me with questions to check my condition again, I decided to speak first.
“Let’s rest quietly now, Hae-geon. You should rest in your room too.”
“I’ll go after watching you rest, hyung.”
“…Okay.”
I didn’t have the energy left to argue anymore. Even blinking my eyelids felt tiresome, so I tightly closed my eyes and just breathed quietly. It was finally a bit peaceful. Although Sa Hae-geon’s presence beside me was a little distracting, it was tolerable.
As everything became quiet, Sa Hae-geon’s emotions, which had been subdued for a moment, raised their head again. This time, they didn’t violently take over me like before. The unfamiliar emotions poked around various places near my heart, leaving traces as if settling in some deep place.
At the same time, as I sorted out and digested the emotions that had come over from Sa Hae-geon, strangely, I felt like I might cry. In the place where the most intense and heavy emotions had raged and disappeared, fragile things that seemed like they might break were rolling around.
When did this guy, who seemed like he wouldn’t bleed even if pricked, hold onto such emotions, and how? I suddenly became curious. I wanted to ask in detail. But if I did, it would become troublesome and tiring in many ways.
But still…
I slightly opened my eyes to check on Sa Hae-geon. His face, leaning against the back of the chair, was dark. Not only his eyes but also the tip of his nose was flushed red. When our eyes met, he blinked blankly and then hurriedly lowered his head. Why did he look so pitiful? It felt like a part of my chest was tingling.
…I guess a person’s face really is important after all.
Realizing once again that I was very weak to Sa Hae-geon’s face, I had to swallow a sigh. Even in the midst of this, my instinct was urging me to ask Sa Hae-geon immediately about what had happened. But I had no intention of asking.
This distance right now was good. If we get any closer, it’s clear that I won’t be able to handle it. So I need to maintain at least this distance.
