#50
To Seoul?
The best option was to use the deposit money along with Eunhong’s savings to live together. But since Sunhong was still in school, this idea was rejected. Thinking that things would improve once Sunhong graduated and got a job made Eunhong feel lighter.
‘I’ve been too complacent until now.’
Eunhong searched for real estate prices in Busan to estimate the budget and necessary funds. He focused on familiar neighborhoods close to Sunhong’s school and within his mother’s living radius.
If Jaeha heard about all this… He would probably offer up a high-rise apartment on Haeundae beach without hesitation. And then he’d say something like…
‘This is a deal between your mother and me. Don’t feel burdened.’
Jaeha’s solutions were always so easy and simple that they made Eunhong feel lax.
Eunhong spun his pen, lost in thought. Everything seemed to lead back to Jaeha. It wasn’t just a matter of “beginning, development, turn, Jaeha,” but it felt like his head had broken after receiving the confession at the beach. Remembering the temperature of Jaeha’s lips on his hand was a natural progression. He reflexively checked the pheromone graph on his watch when there was a knock on the door, and it opened.
“Let’s eat dinner, Eunhong.”
Jaeha, his hair not fully dried, entered and stood in front of Eunhong. His heart pounded at the presence blocking the dim light. His throat felt strangely dry.
Jaeha, who was slow to shower, seemed to notice that Eunhong had already finished and was waiting for him. Now that they were commuting together, there were things they needed to adjust to.
“…Did you wait long?”
Jaeha glanced at Eunhong in his pajamas, then looked at the tablet he was holding.
“What were you doing? You must be hungry.”
“Huh? No… Let’s eat.”
Any idle thoughts about why Jaeha had taken so long to shower disappeared as they walked downstairs. The scent wafting from Jaeha like a swaying tail was too pleasant. Eunhong pressed his flushed cheeks as he descended the stairs.
Jaeha, with a towel around his neck, put side dishes on the table. His movements were skillful as he heated the stew. Eunhong tried to help but was stopped and sat down weakly at the table. When he tried to get up again to fetch utensils, Jaeha had already brought them.
‘I should do something…’
In fact, the most important issue from the plan he had just made remained. It was something fundamentally necessary to put all those plans into action. Eunhong looked at Jaeha’s back as he raised his water glass. His throat was parched, perhaps because he had something to say.
‘So, for these reasons… I’ll be imposing on you at your place for a while. Please take care of me from now on.’
Of course, Jaeha had repeatedly suggested living together. But Eunhong thought that as the one imposing, he should formally ask rather than just settling in vaguely. However, when it came time to speak, the words wouldn’t come out. The quiet car ride home had been a good atmosphere for conversation, but he had missed the timing several times.
‘I like you. I like you.’
The guilt of not giving a proper answer then tormented Eunhong. If he suggested living together in this situation, would it be seen as a positive response to… that? Starting a romantic relationship with Jaeha felt like crossing a river of no return, which scared him.
If he accepted and started dating? Even if regrets arose, he could never pretend it didn’t happen. He couldn’t end things with Jaeha so carelessly.
Eunhong hadn’t realized it, but he was already on his second glass of water before the meal had even started.
Jaeha sat on the sofa, quietly looking down at Eunhong’s round head. Lost in thought since earlier, Eunhong had been counting rice grains during dinner, and when prevented from doing the dishes, he had spouted nonsense about wanting to do his share. When stopped from even loading the dishwasher, he had visibly sulked. He had been in that state ever since.
On the TV screen, a cosmic explosion was occurring. Though clearly not watching, Eunhong stubbornly stared ahead. Jaeha glanced alternately between the birth of planets and Eunhong’s dazed expression.
‘Seems like he has something to say…’
Jaeha reached out and played with what looked like a swaying antenna on top of Eunhong’s head. Eunhong sat with his knees up on the floor in front of the sofa, eyes fixed on the screen. Though he had initially disliked the pink silk pajamas, he now wore them voluntarily, probably finding them comfortable. It was a good purchase. He should shop for other pajamas from that brand… As these idle thoughts continued, he kept playing with Eunhong’s hair until finally, Eunhong turned to look up at him.
“Jaeha.”
Eunhong’s eyes, full of things to say, rolled once. Has he finally made up his mind? Jaeha waited patiently with a smile.
“Um, well.”
“Yes?”
“That…”
“That…?”
Eunhong’s cheeks turned bright red. He hesitantly climbed onto the sofa and matched Jaeha’s eye level. He even turned off the TV with the remote. Jaeha could roughly guess what he wanted to talk about, but as things got serious, he felt like playing along. Jaeha sat up straight as well.
“You know…”
“Yes?”
“…That…”
“……”
Jaeha tilted his head and met Eunhong’s gaze. Eunhong had never been good at lying since childhood. Even when he kept his mouth shut because it was hard to speak, if you looked at him quietly, you could see right through him transparently. It was the same now.
Shoulders slightly raised from tension, flushed face. Slightly furrowed brows. Trembling eyes. Lowered gaze. The shadow of eyelashes. The glimpse of a red tongue between parting lips.
Ah, I can’t bear it.
Jaeha took Eunhong’s hand and held it. He rubbed the protruding bone on the back of Eunhong’s hand with his thumb.
He hadn’t meant to rush…
His mouth opened on its own.
“You mean when I said I like you?”
Bang. It felt like something had exploded. Jaeha, successful in his surprise attack, smiled faintly as he admired Eunhong’s reddened face.
Eunhong tried to stand up abruptly, but Jaeha’s hand was faster. With the hand that had been hovering around Eunhong’s thigh, he grabbed his waist and pulled. He buried Eunhong deep into the sofa and rested his head on his shoulder. A warm pheromone mixed with soap scent flowed from the nape of Eunhong’s neck. Jaeha lowered his eyes and took a deep breath.
“If it’s about that, you don’t have to answer.”
“……”
“A rejection is a rejection anyway.”
“…Huh.”
Eunhong made a dejected sound and let his tensed shoulders slump. He muttered, “You crazy fool,” but contrary to his words, his pheromones flowed out excitedly. Beep- Beep- Beep- The watch alarm sounded like Eunhong’s heartbeat. Jaeha suddenly liked the watch very much. He thought Professor Choi had given useful advice for once.
Eunhong, not knowing how to bring up the subject again, quietly offered his shoulder. Jaeha’s casual words, even when heard again, felt like a blow.
“Eunhong.”
Eunhong tensed, wondering what he would say next.
“Yeah?”
“Professor Choi said to set your treatment schedule.”
By treatment, he meant about the memories. Eunhong turned his head to look down at Jaeha. Jaeha was fiddling with the watch on his wrist. His expression was calm, making it hard to guess what he was thinking.
“I’m planning to put the treatment on hold for now.”
“Why?”
Jaeha suddenly sat up. Eunhong hesitated for a moment before answering.
“…Well… I think I might remember. I’m not sure, but it seems like I’m starting to recall bits and pieces…”
“Which parts?”
“There are scenes that come to mind sporadically. They’re blurry, so I’m not sure if they’re from that day or from before. But I want to wait a bit longer. The treatment seems uncomfortable and bothersome. Also, I have a lot to do and I’m busy…”
Jaeha lowered his head and met Eunhong’s gaze. His scrutinizing look seemed both anxious and exploratory, making Eunhong subtly avoid eye contact.
“To be honest, I’d prefer if I didn’t remember anything more than this.”
“……”
“So… I don’t want to do anything for a while.”
“Will that be okay? Are you sure you’re not uncomfortable anywhere?”
“Yeah. I’m not uncomfortable anywhere.”
A moment of silence fell. Jaeha buried his forehead in Eunhong’s shoulder again. After taking a few quiet breaths, he spoke softly.
“Shouldn’t we ask at least once if it’s really okay?”
Eunhong murmured, “It’s really fine,” and gently pushed Jaeha away. In truth, even talking about those memories with Jaeha was uncomfortable. If treatment was necessary, he wanted to do it somewhere other than through Professor Choi. Han Jeongwook had hinted at such a thing when asking him to visit. Separately from that fact, the sporadic memories surfacing weren’t a lie, so he didn’t want to talk about the accident anymore. He needed to change the subject.
“By the way, the medicine I’m taking seems to be working well. AD-nim said he can barely sense my pheromones…”
“…Did that person try to smell your pheromones?”
“Huh? No?”
The casually mentioned comment seemed to have effectively diverted attention. Jaeha furrowed his brow and reacted immediately.
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, he just knew? Or more precisely, he said it was interesting that my pheromones were barely noticeable. I’m still not used to it, so I can’t distinguish where scents are coming from… I couldn’t even distinguish AD-nim’s pheromones… But it’s fascinating how he can tell right away. It’s strange.”
“Were you curious about other alpha pheromones?”
