#92
Ah, Ha-min let out a small sigh and fidgeted with his sleeve for no reason. Although it wasn’t midsummer yet, most people were wearing short sleeves due to the weather that had quickly turned hot from global warming currents. He too was wearing a thin short-sleeved knit that exposed his forearms.
“I don’t really like… showing skin.”
It wasn’t a lie, but of course, that wasn’t the main reason.
“Come to think of it.”
“…”
“We’ve never done it completely naked, have we?”
Ha-min’s pupils dilated at the casual remark made while driving, as if water was flowing. As talk of a time he had completely forgotten suddenly sprang up, cold sweat instantly ran down his spine.
“I-Is that so…?”
He had to become numb. It was one month. To spend about a month, he had to get used to his unexpected attacks. Since they decided to go back to how things were before, he had to cultivate the brazenness to humbly accept everything. Cold sweat was about to trickle down, but he responded more calmly than before and looked far beyond the window. Although he was looking at something, his pupils were blurry, and even he didn’t know what he was seeing.
“Who was that earlier?”
He asked as he turned on the turn signal. Ha-min, who had lost focus, looked back with a “Huh?”
“At the mart earlier. The kid who was touching your stomach.”
“Ah… them. A classmate. Elementary and middle school classmate.”
“Are you close?”
“Rather than close… we were close, in the past. It’s been a while since I’ve seen them. I didn’t expect to see them there either…”
Ha-min unconsciously recalled old memories. They were memories he couldn’t recall earlier because he was flustered.
It was a time that felt like the prime of his life, in a way. There were always kids gathered around him, and he got along well with everyone.
As he unknowingly let out a bitter smile, he felt a glancing look from beside him.
“But Ha-min.”
His furrowed brow, which suddenly spoke up, appeared and quickly disappeared. He rested his elbow on the window sill and stroked his lips for a long time. The action of suppressing unspoken irritation was evident.
The car smoothly entered the parking lot. The most impressive thing about his skilled driving was when he parked the car within the parking lines in one go. He parked the car without hesitation and pulled the gear. After a low call and a moment of silence, he unbuckled his seatbelt.
“Even so…”
“…”
“I’m not just some hyung you know, am I?”
It was clear that he was asking after holding back for a long time. Usually, he would have blurted it out forcefully, but this time he suppressed it and spit it out after holding back. For a moment, Ha-min’s eyes lost their place. His mind briefly drifted away and came back at the unexpected words.
Wondering what he meant, Ha-min suddenly remembered introducing him to his classmate as a hyung he knew. At that time, he just blurted out whatever came to mind because he was flustered. Moreover, it wasn’t wrong. Saying they were close friends seemed like it would attract too much attention, and the only answer to avoid that was to say he was a hyung he knew.
“It’s too obvious that you’re trying to keep your distance, Ha-min.”
He turned off the engine and spoke softly.
Even though he was gently expressing his disappointment, it somehow felt stiff and uncomfortable. Was it because his own heart was uncomfortable? Or perhaps because of déjà vu? He had shaken people’s hearts like this many times before, and he had always been excited about it, but now his heart strangely felt cold.
“I didn’t mean it that way…”
Ha-min followed him and unbuckled his seatbelt. Trying to look as natural as possible, he hesitantly grabbed the door handle. Then, his calm voice came over again.
“I thought we were going to try living like before, not like strangers.”
Perhaps because all the ambient noise disappeared when the engine was completely turned off, his pleasant voice sounded too clear.
It wasn’t a pressing tone, nor was it a stiff one. Mixed with the soft voice was an even breathing sound to suppress the uncomfortable emotion.
Ha-min opened his mouth while tightly gripping the door handle like a lifeline.
“Maybe it’s because it’s awkward…”
“…”
“Since I haven’t done much with hyung… Somehow, I guess it was awkward.”
Ha-min let out his characteristic clumsy laugh as he made excuses. Although it was an excuse, it wasn’t far from the truth. In fact, all they had done together before was watch a movie once and drink alcohol a few times. Other than that, there wasn’t anything they had done together except for being swept along, mixing bodies, and sleeping together. It seemed that he had naturally become stiff because it was rare to go somewhere together like this and share ordinary daily life.
At Ha-min’s hesitant answer, Tae-rim’s face suddenly stiffened slightly. Ha-min, who hadn’t noticed, thought he had just made a rough excuse and opened the passenger door. His only thought was to escape the uncomfortable atmosphere.
**
The room he showed for comfortable stay was luxurious as if it had been prepared. The bedding and furniture preparations were perfect, and even the pre-prepared diffuser scent was perfect. Moreover, there was even an attached dressing room, which made him feel burdened.
With just one carrier suitcase and one backpack sitting in that spacious place, the picture looked completely off. He felt like he didn’t belong. How could he have accepted such an absurd proposal… Idiot. Ha-min knocked his own head with his fist.
No. Yes, he could do it. There was nowhere to retreat now that everything had been revealed. He could definitely act nonchalant while keeping boundaries. Because he had really let everything go. There was no lingering attachment or expectation left. All he had to do was show that. Then hyung wouldn’t have anything to be confused about anymore, and he could return to America without feeling sorry for him.
He couldn’t help but feel sad about him leaving for good. It was an inevitable phenomenon due to long-held emotions. But now he felt like he could accept those things gracefully and act maturely.
As Ha-min finished roughly organizing his luggage and came out of the room, he heard busy movements from the kitchen. He saw him calmly organizing the groceries they had bought. Ha-min quickly approached to help with the organization.
“Just sit down.”
He quietly said as he caught Ha-min’s hand trying to put things in plastic bags. His smile still looked a bit awkward, as if the stiff atmosphere hadn’t completely dissipated yet.
“We should do it together. We’ll be using it together…”
“Get some rest.”
“I have nothing else to do…”
But his stubbornness didn’t break.
“Look around the house or something. There’s a terrace too, so go out. The night view is nice when the sun sets.”
“…”
“I’ll call you when dinner is ready.”
Seeing his quite determined appearance, Ha-min quietly retreated, not wanting to upset his mood further. Ha-min quietly left the kitchen and headed to the living room. No matter how many times he looked at the full-length glass window in the living room, he couldn’t get used to it. However, as the sun began to set, he thought it was beautiful to see the lights beyond the window brilliantly asserting their presence.
But the Han River night view seen through the large glass window wasn’t the only attraction of this house. There was an artwork by a famous painter whose name one might have heard somewhere hanging in the hallway, and there were several rooms besides his and hyung’s rooms. After sneakily peeking into a few rooms, he found that some were set up like movie theaters, and there was even a wine cellar.
And when you came out of the living room, there was a place leading directly to the terrace, and when he carefully opened the door, there was a space large enough for dozens of people to play and eat. The more he looked around, the more amazed he became. For some reason feeling more intimidated, Ha-min stopped looking around and sat quietly on the living room sofa.
“Whew…”
As the soft feeling enveloped his body, fatigue suddenly hit him. Only then did Ha-min relax a bit and lean back comfortably. As his body relaxed, his consciousness settled calmly.
**
Suddenly opening his eyes, Ha-min sat up with a startled face.
When did he fall asleep? Without even realizing it, when he opened his eyes at some point, it was dark outside the window. Moreover, his body that had been just leaning for a moment was lying down, and a soft blanket was covering him up to his shoulders. He blinked his unfocused, dazed eyes and lowered the blanket. When he woke up after closing his eyes for a moment, more than an hour had passed.
The surprise at having slept so deeply was momentary, as he soon realized that the smell of food was spreading from the kitchen and understood what he was doing. Moreover, he could hear rough clattering sounds.
Ha-min carefully folded the blanket and headed to the kitchen. He saw his back standing in front of the induction stove, dressed comfortably. Because he was so tall, the countertop looked low. Like someone wearing ill-fitting clothes, he stood in front awkwardly shaking the frying pan.
The kitchen was almost a mess. Ingredients that had been ruined during preparation were strewn messily in the sink, and overcooked, mushy noodles were discarded to one side. The garbage hadn’t been cleaned up and was rolling around on the table and floor, and a strange smell that wasn’t pasta was assaulting the nose.
In short, hyung couldn’t cook.
What the hell is this, shit. He cursed while watching a cooking video playing on a tablet PC mounted on a stand. Eventually, he roughly threw the utensil he was holding onto the countertop and let out a short sigh. With his hands on his hips, he turned off the induction stove and picked up a cigarette pack rolling on the table, putting a cigarette in his mouth. As he took out a lighter from his pocket and was about to turn the flint wheel, his gaze met Ha-min’s, who had been staring blankly.
