#Dating Novice (6)
Though Tae-rim seemed to have anticipated this, he couldn’t hide his troubled expression as he ran his hand over his face. A heavy silence briefly divided the two. Tae-rim exhaled deeply before speaking again.
“Before… it was just something I said when I didn’t know anything.”
Though obviously apologetic, he seemed unaccustomed to making excuses and continued speaking without looking directly at Ha-min.
“I know, yes, that it’s in the past.”
“I’m sorry. Whether it was something I said in the past or not, I shouldn’t have let you hear it.”
It felt even more complicated because his thinking—about dating men but marrying women—wasn’t actually wrong. It seemed natural that if he were to marry, it would be to someone else, some unnamed woman, not Ha-min.
“You thought about marriage…?”
“…I considered it the natural progression.”
“…”
“It was something I said lightly. I hadn’t deeply thought about marriage or dating.”
Though he already knew this, hearing it directly made him feel worse. It felt like a confirmation kill. He became depressed, as if directly confirming Tae-rim’s dating history and encounters, which had always been light, easy, and lacking depth.
How many relationships must he have had to think he could date men but marry women? It ultimately meant dating was one thing and marriage another. Ha-min suddenly wondered how much experience had led to his casual attitude about such things.
Though he thought he shouldn’t have asked anything, contrary to his thoughts, he couldn’t stop his mouth from moving on its own.
“…How many have there been?”
“Huh?”
“…People you’ve dated…”
“What?”
“How many people have you dated…?”
Tae-rim couldn’t hide his bewilderment at the sudden probing question.
“What?”
“…You said I could ask anything I wanted to know…”
“…”
Unable to take back his own words, Tae-rim sighed briefly, contemplated for a moment with furrowed brows, then clicked his tongue as if unable to remember, and answered briefly.
“That kind of thing is meaningless.”
“……”
“Hah…”
Tae-rim, who had been trying to avoid answering, let out a short sigh. It was that persistent gaze of his. Eyes that couldn’t express their disappointment and just stared plainly. Ha-min’s somewhat wronged gaze. Tae-rim was extremely weak to that look. Because the gaze that was too kind to glare at someone, that just showed disappointment and unfairness, looked very cute to Tae-rim.
“Roughly…”
Tae-rim carefully retraced his memories. The number of people he’d dated? As Tae-rim said, it truly was a meaningless counting exercise. To count accurately, he’d have to recall memories from the distant past that he couldn’t even remember.
After appearing to ponder for a moment, Tae-rim ran his hand over his mouth with a troubled expression.
“I can’t really remember well.”
“…So many that you can’t remember…”
“No, that’s not what I meant.”
“……”
“…It was when I was immature. I was young so I don’t remember well, and counting them one by one seems ridiculous.”
Tae-rim continued speaking as calmly as possible with an awkward smile that didn’t suit him.
Ha-min couldn’t close his slightly parted lips, appearing somewhat shocked.
Though Tae-rim had rambled on, the conclusion was that there were… so many he couldn’t remember them all.
“This kind of talk makes me uncomfortable. I know you clearly don’t trust me because of this, so saying it with my own mouth… it’s a bit absurd.”
“……”
Seeing him uncharacteristically rambling and avoiding the answer, Ha-min couldn’t bring himself to ask more. Were all those relationships casual? Had he casually met all those people, just as he had casually mentioned marriage? These were things he both wanted and didn’t want to ask, but thanks to Tae-rim’s avoidance, he was able to stop saying unnecessary things. If that were really the case, he himself would be no exception.
Was there any guarantee that he wouldn’t easily tire of Ha-min and keep their relationship casual? Though he knew Tae-rim’s feelings for him were sincere, the anxiety that suddenly arose didn’t easily disappear. There was no guarantee those feelings would last, and Ha-min had accepted this relationship with that knowledge. Since he had decided to endure this and start the relationship, he wasn’t shaken.
He just remembered what Eun-soo had said at the drinking party. That even in romantic relationships, skill was needed. That made sense. He thought he needed to accept advice for a relationship that could easily become tiresome.
**
“You’re asking when hyung had his longest relationship?”
Tae-in pondered for a moment at Ha-min’s question, who had shown up without notice. He seemed momentarily bewildered by the sudden question. The unexpected intrusion was even more surprising because they hadn’t seen each other for a while due to being busy. Moreover, Ha-min usually called before visiting the studio.
“Yes.”
“Why suddenly?”
“Um… just curious…”
“Hmm, I don’t really know… I didn’t live with him.”
Tae-in seemed to search his memory and contemplate, but then shook his head as if he didn’t particularly remember.
“Well, his girlfriends changed so often, how would I know…”
Tae-in, who had been speaking casually, glanced at Ha-min with an expression of sudden realization. Ha-min forced a stiff smile, trying to appear unaffected.
“It’s okay. It’s all known facts anyway…”
Having repeatedly told himself not to get hurt and agonize over an inevitable past, Ha-min continued with a relatively unaffected expression.
“I was just suddenly curious. I know he dated a lot… but how long was his longest relationship.”
Seeing Ha-min ask so seriously, Tae-in searched his memory again. Though he couldn’t know the details during Tae-rim’s time in America, there was one thing he knew for certain.
“I don’t know about others, but I know he was with Hee-jae noona for quite a while.”
“The person I met before…?”
“Yes. Our families know each other, and the adults even designated her as his fiancée on their own. But even though they dated, it didn’t seem like they deeply involved themselves in each other’s private lives. But hyung is always like that. No matter who he dates, the distance never decreases, if that makes sense. He always treated his partners like strangers.”
“Ah…”
“Dating was just a name; they were nothing more or less than partners he casually enjoyed. At least from my perspective.”
Ha-min had heard this from Tae-in several times, but he couldn’t really feel it. It was so different from how Tae-rim was with him that he wondered if Tae-rim was just saying these things in front of him.
“But you were so curious about this that you rushed here right after class?”
Since Ha-min rarely visited the studio without notice, Tae-in asked with a chuckle while gulping down the coffee Ha-min had brought as a sort of bribe.
“Just… hyung seems reluctant to talk about such things.”
“Of course. How could he talk about such things with his own mouth?”
“I wouldn’t mind if he told me everything…”
“Would you really not mind?”
“Huh?”
“Would you really not mind knowing how many people hyung has dated and how he played around?”
At this detailed question, Ha-min hesitated for a moment. Learning such things wouldn’t change the weight of his feelings for Tae-rim, but it would still bother him. Though he knew, as Tae-rim said, that it wasn’t something to dig into, once curiosity was ignited, it burned uncontrollably.
“I-I would feel a bit… upset…”
“Then just let it be. It’s not like you didn’t know before dating him.”
“I’m not trying to blame hyung by asking. It’s just…”
It felt somewhat like preliminary research. Knowing his partner would help him consider how to maintain this relationship consistently and for a long time.
“Because there’s no guarantee hyung won’t do the same with me…”
Ha-min mumbled quietly while fidgeting with his takeout coffee cup. Seeing him trailing off and mumbling, Tae-in let out an incredulous laugh.
“What is this disgusting lovebug saying?”
Just a few days ago, he had been shocked to hear from Eun-soo that Tae-rim had come to a department gathering to pick up a drunk Ha-min. Looking at the situation objectively, it was a very strange picture. People who knew about their friendship might be fine with it, but coming all the way to where everyone was gathering and taking Ha-min away could be misinterpreted from a third-person perspective.
As society progresses, there are many more unbiased people, but coming into a bar and making such noticeable actions meant he didn’t care about others’ gazes at all.
In other words, it meant he was so head over heels that he didn’t care about others’ perspectives. So Ha-min’s sudden concern could only seem ridiculous from Tae-in’s standpoint.
“You two are even doing the lovey-dovey thing on social media?”
“What’s lovey-dovey?”
“Showing off your relationship on Instagram.”
“Huh? I’ve never done that…?”
“What are you talking about? I saw your latest feed where you posted a picture of the watch hyung gave you.”
“Yes. So what…? I took it without hyung in the frame…”
“That picture is on hyung’s feed too. He posted it with his own watch.”
“Really?”
Ha-min covered his mouth in surprise, his eyes widening.
“He was basically advertising that you two are dating.”
“…I don’t check often, so I didn’t know.”
“I can understand you, but tell hyung to be careful. He barely uses Instagram, but lately he’s been making quite a show.”
Since this was the first time Ha-min had heard about this, he quickly took out his phone and opened the app. As soon as he opened it, updates from acquaintances he hadn’t seen in a while came flooding in, and Ha-min hurriedly searched for Tae-rim’s ID with clumsy fingers.
He hadn’t checked it since Tae-rim returned from America. To be precise, he hadn’t had time to think about social media. Time had passed frighteningly quickly while dating him, and it had all been a blur. Plus, with the semester starting, he had become even busier. Ha-min, who had to juggle dating, academics, and part-time work, had been living in a whirlwind. He truly respected those who could balance dating and academics.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
