#113
Normally, he would have tried to persuade Ha-min to eat before leaving, but for some reason, he kept agreeing easily. His attitude seemed not just agreeable but almost submissive, making Ha-min feel awkward and stumble over his words.
Ha-min nodded clumsily and gathered his things, hurriedly heading towards the front door as if escaping. Tae-rim followed to see him off, leaning against the wall in front of Ha-min as he put on his shoes. When the shoelace came undone as Ha-min rushed to put them on, Tae-rim suddenly knelt down.
“H-hyung.”
Ignoring Ha-min’s startled call, he calmly grabbed the shoelace. Ha-min couldn’t hide his discomfort, embarrassed by his somewhat dirty shoes and uncomfortable with Tae-rim kneeling down.
“Ha-min.”
Tae-rim spoke calmly as he finished tying the bow.
“As you said.”
“…”
“If you don’t hate me, can you come back to live in this house?”
He looked up at Ha-min, still kneeling on one knee after tying the laces.
“As I said, there’s no reason for me to keep this place if you’re not here.”
“…”
“Like I said before, even if it’s just until your semester ends.”
He mentioned the short time left, recalling his previous promise. Less than a month remained. He continued speaking without getting up.
“You can give me that much of a chance…”
“…”
“Can’t you?”
Ha-min could tell how difficult it was for him to say these words. That’s why he couldn’t refuse. Because he was confused too. Because of his racing emotions at the thought that maybe… his forceful words were sincere. Ha-min hesitated for a long time. He couldn’t easily step away or turn around.
Tae-rim stayed by Ha-min’s side until the end. He waited quietly and obediently for Ha-min’s answer, and after a time that wasn’t long but wasn’t short either, Ha-min nodded almost imperceptibly. With a very quiet “…okay.”
**
Things progressed quickly after that. As soon as Ha-min agreed, Tae-rim told him to pack his things again, and even went through the trouble of picking him up and taking him back. As Tae-rim had said, there wasn’t much time left and it went by quickly. Although Ha-min wasn’t sure what Tae-rim’s intentions were in calling him back to that house, he couldn’t easily refuse or ignore it because he was bothered by Tae-rim’s continued humble attitude in front of him.
When he returned to Tae-rim’s house with his lightly packed belongings, the place was clean as if nothing had happened. Tae-rim’s clothes that had been strewn about and the rolling beer bottles were nowhere to be seen.
“How are you feeling?”
As soon as they entered the house, Tae-rim asked about Ha-min’s condition. It seemed that Ha-min’s collapse had quite shocked him, as he constantly checked Ha-min’s complexion and asked about his state.
“I’m fine.”
Ha-min answered diligently despite the repetitive questions. He had to answer because he could read the relief in Tae-rim’s expression at his words. He could imagine how shocked Tae-rim must have been. Even his usually stern mother had been so shocked she cried when he first collapsed from a panic attack.
“You don’t have to keep worrying like this. I’m really okay now.”
“Well. I just can’t help but be cautious.”
He smiled faintly and playfully flicked his slightly disheveled bangs. The fluttering bangs tickled, and Ha-min unconsciously fiddled with his own bangs.
“Do you want to shower first, or eat?”
He casually asked, having somehow prepared dinner already. Ha-min thought for a moment, then said he would shower and headed towards the bathroom in his room.
Feeling tired these past few days, he postponed unpacking and showered first. After soaking his body in hot water for a while and washing his hair and body clean, he quickly put on his pajamas. Remembering that hyung had said he would prepare dinner, he didn’t have the luxury of taking his time. Roughly drying off the dripping water with a towel, he headed to the dining table where Tae-rim also seemed to have just showered, his hair still damp and his skin a bit more flushed.
“Sit down.”
Seeing Ha-min come out in a hurry, he smiled gently and urged him to sit across from him. Ha-min sat down heavily like an obedient machine and picked up his chopsticks.
“There’s a good place nearby.”
It was sushi with seasonal fish. After neatly transferring it to dishes, he placed it in front of Ha-min and even prepared warm tea, telling him to eat. Ha-min thought for a moment that Tae-rim had never been this attentive before, but then pushed the thought away.
“Thank you for the meal.”
Tae-rim sat across from him, watching intently as Ha-min put a whole piece of sushi in his mouth. He didn’t touch the food himself, only taking a few sips of tea.
“Why aren’t you eating, hyung?”
“Somehow… I feel full.”
“Huh?”
He smiled brightly, meeting Ha-min’s gaze that looked at him as if not understanding.
“Go ahead and eat. You must have been hungry.”
It was a bit late for dinner, so Tae-rim gently urged him on, changing the subject. Ha-min nodded and chewed and swallowed another piece of sushi. It was a bit burdensome to eat while enduring Tae-rim’s gaze that seemed to be admiring him, but he couldn’t bring himself to tell him to stop. He couldn’t dissuade him because the gaze looking at him seemed somewhat joyful. Because of this, his fingertips and toes tingled for no reason.
**
“Want a drink?”
As they were finishing up cleaning after the meal, Tae-rim casually offered a can of beer. Seeing the alcohol immediately reminded Ha-min of the beer bottles rolling around the house yesterday, and he looked at Tae-rim blankly, asking curiously.
“Is it okay for you to drink?”
“Why, is it not?”
“No… it just seemed like you’ve been drinking a lot lately.”
At the murmur tinged with worry, Tae-rim continued nonchalantly.
“It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”
“…”
“Us drinking together.”
“…”
“If you’re worried, I’ll just have one can.”
Rather than being worried…. Ha-min didn’t bother to correct him and accepted the can of beer with both hands. Then he quietly sat down on the living room sofa, a little apart from where Tae-rim naturally took his seat.
“…”
“…”
He opened the beer and turned on the TV. Flipping through channels quickly, he settled on a movie channel that looked decent. The picture quality wasn’t great, suggesting it wasn’t a recent movie, and it seemed to be a calm romance film, neither loud nor flashy. Of course, Ha-min wasn’t really paying attention, but he sat stiffly, not taking his eyes off the screen.
“Is it interesting?”
In the midst of deliberately not looking away, Ha-min had apparently become focused without realizing it, and hadn’t noticed Tae-rim getting closer. Startled by the voice right next to him, Ha-min turned to look at him with surprised eyes.
“You seemed so focused.”
He added casually.
“…”
He rested his arm on the back of the sofa and leaned back deeply. Feeling his arm on the stiff sofa backrest, Ha-min unconsciously straightened his back even more.
There was always an inexplicable tension when he was with Tae-rim. Before, he had always been stiff with anxiety from having so much to hide, but now it was a bit different. Now he had nothing to hide and no reason to fret about hiding anything, but now he found himself unconsciously aware of Tae-rim because of the suddenly shortened distance and the heavy confessions that came to mind.
“Don’t be tense.”
He whispered quietly, apparently sensing Ha-min’s stiff posture.
“I won’t do anything.”
“…”
“I won’t lay a finger on you until you say it’s okay, so relax.”
He reassured Ha-min as if soothing him, then turned his gaze to the screen with an nonchalant face. It was embarrassing that he seemed to have read Ha-min’s tension, but his soothing voice was so kind that Ha-min didn’t feel ashamed.
“…Okay.”
Ha-min nodded with a dazed expression. Thanks to this, the tension in his stiffly raised shoulders eased a bit. His breathing also became a little easier, allowing Ha-min to focus more on the movie. They sat side by side, silently watching the movie for a while. It was a peaceful silence unlike before.
**
The resumed cohabitation felt smoother than before. Ha-min had been worried about how to spend the remaining time with Tae-rim, but it was normal and smooth, making his worries seem pointless. If their wake-up times matched, they would have breakfast together and see off the person leaving first. Tae-rim would sometimes drive Ha-min to school, but not to the point of being burdensome. He would occasionally pick Ha-min up too, but only when Ha-min worked late at his part-time job, under the pretext that public transportation had stopped running.
Their conversations were also ordinary. Starting with questions about each other’s condition, they would talk about how their day was, what happened, what they had for lunch, and so on. They were customary and normal conversations. But Ha-min liked them. These were things he had never shared with Tae-rim before. They hadn’t been able to share each other’s daily lives and feelings about the day, such obvious things. Their relationship had always been like a roller coaster, going up and down wildly.
Perhaps not wanting to burden Ha-min, Tae-rim didn’t say anything special after that. As if that day’s heated events had been a lie, neither of them mentioned anything about that time. Ha-min also didn’t want to recall the events of that day when he had shown such an unsightly appearance. But Tae-rim’s frank words saying he liked Ha-min often came to mind suddenly. Even though it was Ha-min himself who had thought it was cheap sympathy.
Ha-min quietly stared at the convenience store window where raindrops were falling steadily. Perhaps because there were no customers in the store, endless thoughts kept swirling in his mind. Even more so because of the damp, rainy weather.
The weather forecast for the rainy season was spot on. It would be sunny one moment and raining the next, and even when the wind blew, the humidity was so high that his whole body felt sticky.
As he was staring blankly out the window, sitting idly at the convenience store counter, a short message arrived with a buzz.
[It’s supposed to rain until dawn. I’ll come pick you up.]
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
