Sweet Shot

#97

His voice slowed down as he read the message. The corners of his eyes deepened as he looked at the screen. A glint appeared in his reading eyes. Ha-min’s heart sank. Unconsciously, he reached out and snatched the phone from his hand.

“Why, why are you reading someone else’s message…”

His pulse was pounding so hard it felt like it could be heard from outside. Ha-min couldn’t properly grab the phone and it slipped from his grasp. As it fell roughly, the other person spoke in a chilling voice. As if frozen in place, a crease slowly formed between his brows.

“What is it that no one knows?”

He asked calmly, as if giving an opportunity. A strange light spread in his eyes, as if even the last shred of reason had flickered out.

“What does he know that I don’t?”

“……”

“Ha-min.”

“……”

“…Tell me. Not only do you lie to go to that bastard’s house, but what are you two…!”

His calm voice gradually rose. He forcibly stopped his roughening voice and exhaled a hot breath. His chest heaved with emotions that couldn’t be controlled or restrained.

Seeing this side of him for the first time in his life, Ha-min’s mouth opened involuntarily, letting out a small gasp. He was so flustered that his vision blurred, and a strange sound came from his throat. The usual excuses and lies no longer came out. The flashing gaze was so intense it gave him goosebumps.

“….”

Tae-rim looked down at Ha-min, who couldn’t say a word, and unconsciously stared at his empty wrist. The old wristwatch he had worn to the point of boredom was not visible. As the word “watch” written in the message flickered in his mind, all the strange behaviors Ha-min had been exhibiting flashed through Tae-rim’s mind. The watch he wore obsessively, insisting on long sleeves even in hot weather, and continuously refusing exposure even when they were intimate.

He grabbed Ha-min’s arm as if snatching it. Ha-min shook it off as if having a seizure. The moment the hand was shaken off with a thud, Tae-rim felt an eerie sense of déjà vu down his spine. His face visibly contorted as he realized that something similar had happened before.

Standing like a drowned rat in Jeju Island, shaking off his hand and seemingly trying to hide something…. As all the situations flashed by like a kaleidoscope, Tae-rim let out a deep sigh and forcibly grabbed Ha-min’s wrist.

Immediately, a trembling voice rang out.

“D-don’t.”

Tae-rim gritted his teeth at the voice that was twisting its arm and trembling as if having a seizure. He felt like his insides were turning, and blood rushed to his eyes and throat.

“Hyung, don’t… okay?”

Despite the desperate plea, he rolled up the long sleeve to the elbow without hesitation. On the pale wrist, scars that looked like they had been brutally inflicted and small burn marks that seemed to have been made with cigarettes were revealed. The flaws and wounds that he had been forcibly and constantly hiding in a corner of his mind were exposed. The black eyes that had instantly hardened examined them all in great detail.

“……”

“Ugh.”

Ha-min tried to roughly remove the firm hand that was holding his arm in place, but it didn’t budge. He couldn’t overcome the overwhelming difference in size and grip strength between them, even though they were both men. Ha-min looked at him resentfully, gasping for breath that was rising up to his throat. He had told him not to, not to look…. Shame and humiliation coursed through every vein in his body.

“…Let go.”

He pleaded again.

“Let go, please…!”

Ha-min raised his voice for the first time in his life and pushed his arm away with all his might. As he struggled and pushed him away, the large hand finally fell away. The white skin was reddened, showing where he had been gripping. Ha-min exhaled a heated breath and picked up his bag and the phone that had fallen to the floor. Then he turned his steps to hurry out of there.

Feeling as if the gaze that had been examining every detail was still on his skin, Ha-min unconsciously looked back. He was still standing there, motionless. Like a broken person, he stood blankly, clenching his fist. But right now, Ha-min didn’t care about his emotions and feelings. The current situation was overwhelming enough, and he urgently opened the door and went out.

The door closed behind him with a swoosh, and his figure soon disappeared. As a quiet stillness settled in, Ha-min stared at his reddened wrist. The handprint remained there like a brand. He stared meaninglessly into space as his deeply risen breath wouldn’t easily subside. It was the worst.

He hurried down the stairs, not having the luxury to wait for the elevator. His breath rose to his chin as he quickened his pace as if being chased. Ha-min unconsciously turned his head, his face showing concern that he might have followed.

Ha-min, who had been walking quickly to the building entrance as if fleeing like a criminal, suddenly stopped when he encountered the unfamiliar sound of rain and cold air. The loud sound of rain gradually grew louder as if approaching from afar. As if his distant consciousness was gradually returning.

Ha-min, who had unconsciously stopped walking due to the sound of rain and raindrops splashing at his feet, loosened his grip on his wrist, which he had been holding so tightly that the blood couldn’t circulate. At that moment, as the intense emotions gradually subsided, he felt like all the strength was draining from his body.

The rain fell heavily like hail in a sudden downpour. The sound of rain echoed loudly, like his own noisy inner turmoil. After staring at the raindrops hitting the ground relentlessly with a half-dazed look, he shifted his gaze to his wrist where the red handprint had appeared.

Just above the wrist that he had been keeping tightly wrapped and hidden were traces of abuse. While the bruises and marks from being beaten had disappeared over time, the burn marks from cigarette burns remained. They were parting gifts left by them before graduation, saying they would miss him. The smell of burning flesh and the sound of their giggling laughter still remained vividly in all his senses.

Since these were clearly traces of bullying that anyone could see, he had been hiding them, thinking nothing good would come from revealing them, in a different sense from his self-harm. He was ashamed of his own flaws. The fact that he had been discovered by him filled him with humiliation. Even if he couldn’t appear perfect to him, he at least wanted to seem normal.

Ha-min bit his lip hard as he gripped his wrist again. He didn’t know what he was doing right now.

Fleeing like a criminal, trembling as if being chased.

He felt pathetic for unconsciously running away again. At the same time, he remembered the back of the man standing motionless beyond the closing front door.

He must have been shocked…. He should have calmly explained to him who would have been surprised and shocked to see it, but today again, he was only eager to run away. But he really didn’t want to show it. He knew he couldn’t hide it forever, but even if it was discovered, he wanted to be able to laugh it off and talk about it casually when the time came, when he could do so. Like an adult.

Ha-min’s throat burned as he gripped his wrist tightly once more. He wondered what thoughts had gone through his mind when he saw these disgusting marks.

Feelings of sorrow, shame, and dozens of other emotions crashed over him like waves. His throat burned and his eyes heated up, but he bit his lip hard enough to split it, swallowing back the tears that threatened to spill out. He held back with all his might, feeling that the tears and cries he had been holding back so well kept becoming loose in front of him.

He stepped into the rain, swallowing the metallic taste between his split lips. He felt his body cool as the pouring rain hit him. The cold seemed to seep into his bones, as his body had been feverishly hot just moments ago, but he didn’t care. He considered it a small punishment for his pathetic self.

During the three years of high school, Ha-min was beaten a lot, but what was hardest for him was hiding it from his mom. The only fortunate thing was that they only hit places that couldn’t be seen. Occasionally, when his mom accidentally caught sight of an injury, he was quick to make excuses – he fell, he bumped into friends while playing.

Mom didn’t suspect anything unusual. After all, before entering high school, Song Ha-min had been a sociable child loved everywhere.

He was able to deceive her with clumsy lies because it was a time when his dad was working at a company, and as a result, mom was extremely busy having to watch the supermarket morning and night. Perhaps because of that, he had a strange pride in being better than others at always enduring and hiding things. Besides, by the time he got used to being hit, he didn’t even cry anymore.

Ha-min occasionally stole items from the store. He would steal a few cigarettes at a time and offer them to those guys. Then that day he would get beaten less or be let off. At first, he resisted, saying he absolutely couldn’t do it, but their violence in coercing him was countless. They stripped off his school uniform and took humiliating photos, threatening to post them in front of the store, which finally made him give in.

Such incidents were commonplace. And he dreamed of that time. Ha-min groaned in his sleep.

The next day, Ha-min came to class with a fever.

Everyone asked if he was sick because of his pale complexion, but Ha-min shook his head saying he wasn’t and focused on the class. He took notes and attended class as usual, but in one corner of his mind, yesterday’s events kept replaying. The cold gaze that had frozen upon seeing his scars kept coming to mind, causing him to lose focus and miss parts of the lecture several times.