#104
Considering what he had done all this time, there was no way he would have told him. Not only did he treat him like a rag at his whim, but he also didn’t realize Ha-min liked him and talked about being friends with benefits, and even took his first experience as he pleased. So much so that Ha-min couldn’t walk the next day.
That wasn’t all. When Ha-min told that obvious lie about having someone he liked, Tae-rim lost his mind and slept with Ha-min as if to vent his anger. Moreover, after realizing that Ha-min had liked him, he selfishly kept him by his side, and when Ha-min’s feelings didn’t go as he wanted, he became jealous and forcefully dug up the wounds that Ha-min didn’t want to show. Son Hee-jae was right. It was all his own way. There wasn’t a single trace of consideration, and he did everything as he pleased.
Would Ha-min really have told someone like him? No matter how much he thought about it, the answer was no. That’s why he felt like he was going crazy.
“Then you should have made it possible for him to tell you,” Tae-in said to Tae-rim, who was only letting out a weak laugh.
“That Song Ha-min… he even told me, who hadn’t contacted him for years. He said he was sorry. He said he was sorry. Who should be sorry here?”
“…”
“I don’t know exactly what happened between you two. But hyung.”
“…”
“He said he liked you since he was young.”
“…”
“Even when you left without a word, even during the time he couldn’t see you after that… he liked you. From then until now… I actually don’t understand what kind of emotion that is. How can someone like only one person for that long?”
“…”
“Without expecting any reward or return.”
Tae-in scrunched up his face and ran his hand through his hair. On that day when he told everything honestly, when he saw that child who became sad as soon as he learned that his hyung would return to America, Tae-in could understand enough without being told repeatedly how much Ha-min liked his brother. It’s hard enough to like the same person for several years, but he had kept in his heart someone he couldn’t even see for a long time.
It was surprising, but more than that, it was fascinating. How could he like someone for such a long time? Even when he didn’t know if they would meet again or not. With the same emotion throughout. Rather than being unconvincing, it was incomprehensible. Tae-in had never had or felt such a pure heart. That’s why he felt it was too good for his brother, who was always cold and indifferent in matters of love.
“Do you know he cried his eyes out in front of me when he heard you were going to America?”
“…”
“That was the first time I saw Song Ha-min cry. You know him, right? How stubborn he is. Even though he can’t say what he dislikes and hesitates, he’s stubborn because he doesn’t want to trouble others, and even after all that happened, he didn’t complain to anyone around him.”
“…”
“Because he’s that kind of person, because he’s that guy.”
“…”
“You should have made it possible for him to speak.”
Tae-in unconsciously let out a complicated sigh and ran his hand over his face.
“He said there’s no way you would like him.”
“…”
“But from what I see, that’s not true.”
Right now, his brother looked like a loser. The neat appearance of his brother, who used to obsessively groom himself, was nowhere to be seen, and he was sprawled out like someone steeped in alcohol and cigarettes. He was even silently listening to his younger brother’s harsh words.
Tae-in stopped speaking and put down the shopping bag he was holding.
“…You take this to him.”
Just as Tae-in, realizing it wasn’t his place to deliver it, was about to turn around, Tae-rim’s hoarse voice was heard from behind. It was a pleading tone.
“Just take this to him. He’ll need it.”
“…”
“Ha-min finds it difficult to see me right now.”
“…”
“That’s why.”
Tae-rim didn’t say anything more and headed to his bedroom. Without making excuses or getting angry, he silently went into his room and quietly closed the door. Tae-in looked at the closed door and let out a heavy sigh.
What was so difficult about it? Tae-in picked up the shopping bag again with a complicated expression. Seeing his brother’s uncharacteristically gloomy appearance made him feel bad in its own way. Even though his brother sometimes acted like a jerk, he was still his brother, and knowing that he always took care of him despite pretending not to, Tae-in didn’t just hate him. This is why you shouldn’t meddle in other people’s relationships.
Tae-in left the place with only a sigh, feeling even worse in the house devoid of warmth.
**
Ha-min was doing reasonably well.
After being sick for a few days, he went to school as usual, did his assignments, ate meals on time, and even found a part-time job amidst his busy schedule. He worked hard because he knew that was what he had to do. He worked even harder than usual, as if he felt indebted. And he smiled more than usual, tried to talk more. Even though Chae-rin and Eun-soo noticed something strange about his efforts, they didn’t ask.
“Ah, the major final is screwed. A team project as the final exam, seriously?”
As soon as the class ended, Woo-kyung grabbed his head as if in pain and banged it on the desk.
“It’s good that we don’t have to pull all-nighters.”
Eun-soo, who was sociable and specialized in presentations, seemed rather comfortable with it.
“It depends on who you’re grouped with, though.”
Chae-rin added a comment as she was packing her bag.
“No matter who I’m with, I’m still the top in the department anyway.”
Woo-kyung grumbled that Eun-soo was annoying when she said this with a grin.
“Oppa, let’s have a friendly competition.”
Knowing that Ha-min was also good at academics, Eun-soo playfully patted his shoulder. Ha-min shook his head with a faint smile.
“I’ve missed a lot of classes this time, so I’m not expecting much.”
“Ah, right. But if you get all A+’s in the finals, you can make up for it, right?”
“Well…”
Ha-min tilted his head and then shook it, saying it probably wouldn’t happen.
“Oh, right. Hyung, we’re having drinks today to celebrate the opening of Tae-in hyung’s studio. Want to come with us?”
Woo-kyung suddenly spoke up as if he just remembered, while putting on his bag and standing up.
“Ah… yeah. Tae-in actually contacted me this morning. He told me to come with you guys.”
“Awesome, let’s go, let’s go. Everyone’s gathering today. It’s gonna be so much fun.”
Woo-kyung, excited, put his arm around Chae-rin’s shoulder and made a fuss. Chae-rin glanced at Woo-kyung’s overexcited behavior, clicked her tongue once, and shook off his arm. When she went ahead saying it was heavy, Woo-kyung followed her closely, saying they should go together.
“Are you feeling okay?”
As Ha-min was laughing to himself watching the two, Eun-soo, who was standing next to him, suddenly asked. Huh? When he looked at her with round eyes, remembering that he had been sick a few days ago, he nodded with an “Ah” of realization.
“Yeah, I’m fine, of course.”
“You get sick quite often, oppa.”
“Do I?”
“You should take some herbal medicine. Or at least take some red ginseng regularly. You seem to have lost even more weight recently. Are you eating your meals properly?”
Ha-min smiled awkwardly at Eun-soo’s worried questions coming one after another. Suddenly, her concern felt funny to him.
“Yeah. But I used to be extremely fat originally.”
“You must have been cute even when you were chubby.”
“No, I was really weird.”
“…”
“You would have been grossed out if you saw me then.”
Ha-min replied with an embarrassed laugh. When he spoke casually, Eun-soo suddenly stared at him intently.
“You always do that.”
“Huh?”
When Ha-min looked at her questioningly at her direct gaze, Eun-soo continued.
“You always put yourself down as if it’s natural.”
Eun-soo tilted her head slightly with a face that showed she really didn’t understand. Meeting Ha-min’s slightly flustered gaze, Eun-soo continued speaking.
“I hate it when guys act all cocky, but I wish you had more confidence, oppa.”
“…”
“If you keep putting yourself down, saying you’re gross or whatever, even things that aren’t true become true. Because you set those standards yourself.”
“…”
“If you think you’re a decent person, then you are a decent person, and if you think you’re a cool guy, then you’re a cool guy. Others can’t set those standards for you, oppa.”
Ha-min hesitated for a moment at Eun-soo’s words as she looked straight into his eyes. For some reason, he felt even smaller in the face of her confident and straightforward words. But there wasn’t a single wrong thing she said. He was still judging himself by standards set by others.
While Ha-min was still dazed from being hit right on the mark, Eun-soo grabbed his arm, asking what he was doing and telling him to hurry up. Ha-min nodded hastily and quickly moved his feet. As he walked, Ha-min looked around. The peaceful campus and the seemingly happy students came into view. It was the picture he had always wished and hoped for. He now had the school life he wanted without any nuisances, and friends who genuinely worried about him and gave him advice.
The peace within the ordinariness he had so desperately wanted. He had somehow obtained these things, but what was he still afraid of?
Ha-min realized that he was still anticipating fear. He needed to properly understand now that if he still felt fear after getting what he wanted and realizing everything, he was nothing more than a pathetic coward.
**
Tae-in’s studio, which he was visiting for the first time, was surprisingly large. And it was more professional than he had thought. The intimidating presence of equipment that looked like it belonged on a broadcast set was quite impressive. Not only that, but there was also a practice room large enough to fit more than a dozen people. He could understand why Tae-in was so excited. He even thought he should have brought flowers.
“You’re here?”
Tae-in greeted Ha-min, who was the last to enter, as if he had been waiting for him.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
