Chapter 114
It was so unbelievable that I momentarily suspected it was fabricated. Understandably so, because Luwen had lunch with me, went for a walk, then went to the academy. I couldn’t believe he had returned and presented this before I’d even read half of the book I’d opened to relax after seeing him off.
“…How did you manage this?”
“The head of the student council is at the academy even during breaks.”
That’s not what I was asking… Is he kindly explaining because he thinks I might not know that?
“I’m curious how you got permission. It’s not usually allowed, right?”
“That’s right.”
Luwen kept smiling. He seemed very happy that things had worked out as planned. I’m grateful that he’s so pleased about just being able to share a dormitory room with me, but… I was too troubled to be purely happy about it.
“There’s a swordsmanship tournament right before winter break.”
“I know. You won it right after enrolling.”
I knew this well as he had already told me in a letter.
“Yes. But among the students, I’m the only one who can use sword qi.”
Luwen said proudly, though seemingly a bit embarrassed. There’s no need to be embarrassed about this. He could be more confident. Sword qi only manifests with talent or through unimaginable effort and experience that I can’t even fathom.
“The purpose of holding the swordsmanship tournament is to encourage training, but…”
Ah, don’t tell me…
“My level, well…”
Luwen was cute struggling to praise himself, but having figured out what happened, I felt like crying. No wonder there was no mention of him winning the swordsmanship tournament after that.
“You were banned from participating in the tournament because of the level difference?”
Luwen scratched his cheek and smiled sheepishly.
“Yes. Originally, students have the right to participate voluntarily, but since that right was taken from me, they said they would grant me a wish in return.”
Only then did I carefully examine the room entry permit Luwen had handed me.
This is a problem. It looks like I’ll be sharing a room with Luwen starting tomorrow.
“You’ve been assigned to the central dormitory?”
The central dormitory is where student council members stay. Only the members of the general student council and the officers of each department’s student council could enter. It seemed they sent us to the central dormitory since they couldn’t put someone from another department in the regular dormitory.
‘…They wouldn’t normally offer such compensation.’
In the end, this was no different from the seeds I had sown. While I had pulled strings to get Luwen assigned to a private suite because I wanted him to be comfortable, it was also to imply that Luwen’s position in our family was not just a simple servant. It was a message to take good care of our child, keep him comfortable, and return him to us.
So the head of the student council, mindful of Duke Vinter’s influence, offered compensation and couldn’t refuse Luwen’s unreasonable request now. They might have thought I would make a fuss if they refused.
‘…It can’t be helped.’
Since I had sown these seeds, I couldn’t blame anyone else. I had to face reality and try my best.
Thus, I was given just one day. I had to learn to control myself in a single day, so I focused on mental training whenever I had a chance.
But the more time I invested, the stronger the post-nut clarity became. No matter how I thought about it, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was being strange.
‘Can’t I just let it go? It’s not something to drag out like this.’
It was an accident. Nothing more, nothing less. I really should come to my senses.
‘How long are you going to drag this out? It’s pathetic.’
Time passed as I continued to blame myself.
* * *
I saw a familiar ceiling. For some reason, my vision was blurry, but not so much that I couldn’t recognize the ceiling of the room I’d stayed in since childhood.
‘When did I come back?’
My mind wasn’t working properly, as if drunk on sleep. I don’t remember… returning from the academy? Strange…
“Are you alright?”
Oh, Luwen’s voice…
As if pulled by gravity, I naturally rolled my eyes towards where the sound came from. But there was something odd. Why was the direction of the voice not from beside me? Luwen was always beside me when waking me up.
‘The voice sounds a bit different too-!’
I froze at the stark scene unfolding before me. One of my legs was on Luwen’s naked shoulder, and the other was resting on his thigh. Moreover, it wasn’t just Luwen who was naked. I was the same.
The moment I realized this, my body’s sensations began to return.
“Ah…”
The hot, hard heat filling my stomach conveyed an enormous pressure. I was breathing heavily.
“You seem a bit tired.”
I wanted to ask what was going on, but I couldn’t speak freely. I wasn’t in control of my body.
“It’s okay, ah. More, do more…”
As I begged playfully, Luwen grabbed my waist. The thing filling my stomach slowly pulled out. Feeling as if my insides were being dragged out with it, I unconsciously tensed up.
“Ah, ugh!”
Thud!
My whole body shook. What had been pulling out now forced its way back in. “I” was ecstatic at the sensation of my body being forcibly opened. My mouth gaped hideously as I trembled.
“Mmm, huu…”
I clung to Luwen, sobbing. This was dangerous. I was being dragged along by the fake. I felt like I would be swept away by the intense emotions. I had to separate my senses. Before I became completely assimilated.
I forcibly turned my gaze. A pathetically thin, trembling arm came into view. It seemed even thinner than my real self. It was so skeletal it was almost grotesque.
See? This person and I are different.
I ate well thanks to Luwen. Even when I was young, he always tried to feed me something. Just one more bite, just a little more. Bit by bit, he filled my stomach with food.
Not this ferocious beast-like thing stirring up my insides now.
The pace was too fast to keep up with. My body shook incessantly. Unwanted gasps burst out one after another. A tingling sensation, like being electrocuted by a faint current, coalesced deep inside my body.
“Young master.”
Despite the intense lower body movements, his voice was unbearably affectionate. That made tears burst forth. I clung to Luwen desperately.
…Is this really not me?
My heart feels like it’s about to burst…
“I’ll be going now.”
Luwen kissed my forehead. His breath was hot and sorrowful.
“I’m going to, hnn- come too…”
“You can’t. Don’t be stubborn, Fei.”
That’s unfair. When I asked you to call me by name, you pretended not to hear. And now you do this, in this situation, at this moment?
“I’m going to… I want to…”
In response to my tearful begging, this time his lips touched my cheek before pulling away. Then our lips overlapped. His desperate breath flowed in.
At that moment, I realized. When dawn breaks, my sister and Luwen will have their departure ceremony. The two of them are heading to the battlefield. Leaving me alone.
They’re everything to me.
If I lose them, I’ll have nothing left.
Suspicious movements of the First Prince have been detected. I heard from the Second Prince that it’s not a proper war. Nevertheless, my sister chose to go. To protect the empire. Because she couldn’t let enemy troops trample this land.
I vaguely felt that they might not return. I didn’t want to be left alone in this bleak mansion.
But I had known for a long time that I couldn’t even become a soldier due to my physical limitations. That’s why I devoted myself to strategy and tactics, wanting to be with them in any situation.
I’m sure I can be of help. I’ll be able to help.
I have to go with them. I must follow them no matter what.
By any means necessary.
“Young master!”
While I was lost in thought, Luwen’s voice became slightly thinner. I felt a strange sense of dissonance.
“Young master, please open your eyes.”
A familiar voice. The voice of the Luwen I know. I focused on the sound calling me.
Call me one more time.
Just one more time.
I felt like I couldn’t escape this incomprehensible situation with my own strength. I simply couldn’t leave this current Luwen. No, I didn’t want to leave. I had become so assimilated that I couldn’t separate whether these were my emotions or the fake’s. That’s why I needed his voice.
“Fei Vinter!”
That’s when it happened. Luwen shouted as if he had heard my voice. If there was such a thing as a dispelled magic, this must be it. My name, called by him, entered the fake’s body and pulled me out.
Whoosh-
As soon as I was completely separated, I looked back. I expected to see the fake clinging and crying to Luwen, but there was nothing. Just an empty bed, messily disheveled.
‘…I need to get out of here. Ah, but how do I get out?’
It’s an unpleasant dream I don’t want to remember. I hate to admit it, but what I thought was the solution seems to have become poison instead. Dwelling on that morning led to this absurd dream.
‘Wait. But is this really… a dream?’
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
at first I was like this is his gay awakening or sumn but I get the feeling he is getting visions from the future! Or maybe it’s another timeline he doesn’t remember?
it’s getting interesting, we also got to see that “dream” before we’re he seemed to have sacrificed in war as Luwen carried him and his sister was there too. I’m curious if these really are visions of the future or not.