Chapter 71
As expected, Bae Yu-rim called me aside before leaving the cafe. She asked if I could model for a drawing she needed to do for an assignment.
“I won’t take up much of your time, Kwon-oh. Just sit for 30 minutes, three times a week. I’ll even buy you meals and coffee. Okay?”
“I don’t think I can model. Sorry.”
“Then, would you at least allow me to take photos?”
“Is the assignment that important?”
“Partly because of the assignment, but I just want to draw you properly.”
Bae Yu-rim was definitely a straightforward and fun personality without any pretense. I wondered how she became friends with a timid person like Ryu Jeong-ha.
“I’m not comfortable with that either. I don’t really like people drawing me.”
“…Sigh. Okay. I understand.”
Seeming to realize that further pleading would be futile, Bae Yu-rim nodded after a few seconds. It looked like she had shed all remaining lingering feelings in that brief moment.
“Sorry for wasting your time. I was just really disappointed after you refused last time.”
“It’s fine. I should be thanking you for coming all the way to where I work. It’s not boring either.”
“Don’t say that. Your girlfriend would be upset if she knew.”
“Do you think I have a girlfriend?”
“Isn’t it obvious?”
“I don’t.”
“Oh, really? I thought you did.”
“What about you, Yu-rim?”
“You’re asking if I have a boyfriend? I don’t.”
“That’s unexpected.”
“Why?”
“I thought you came with your boyfriend today.”
“Jeong-ha? He’s just a friend from the same department.”
“I see.”
I was satisfied with Bae Yu-rim’s outright denial. Well, there’s no way she’d be dating a girl after scribbling such content in her notebook. Besides, didn’t she say she was gay herself?
Anyway, the conversation with Bae Yu-rim concluded well.
After Ryu Jeong-ha and Bae Yu-rim left, the part-time job became boring again. Even with the slightest lapse in concentration, a yawn would force its way up my throat.
“Kwon-oh. We’re going to eat after our shift ends. Want to join us?”
Seo Subin came over while I was hanging freshly washed cloths on various handles around the bar. The store was relatively quiet now with no customers.
Perhaps out of habit from my previous part-time job, I preferred to find something to do and move around even during downtime rather than just resting idly.
“Where are you going?”
“Well, we haven’t decided yet. Is there anything you want to eat?”
“No, not really.”
“Then I’ll search for some options. Come with us, okay?”
“Hmm.”
Somehow, I wasn’t keen on it. The part-time job was boring, and the thought of going out and socializing with people after it ended felt equally tedious.
“Or we could drink if you prefer. The shift ends in the evening anyway.”
“Noona, do you want to drink with me?”
I leaned my elbows on the bar counter, tilting my body askew as I asked Seo Subin. She responded with a surprised “Huh?”
“I didn’t mean just the two of us. The others finish at the same time too…”
Hmm.
“You might not know when you’ll work here again after this shift ends… Oh, the manager did say he’d like you to work part-time here too. But it’s far from your school…”
As I stared intently at her, Seo Subin started rambling incoherently.
In the past, I would have definitely agreed to go. When a woman gives such clear signals, it would be too much to pretend not to notice, right? Plus, Seo Subin was pretty and had a gentle personality. If Jung Han-min was right about her liking me, there would be no reason to refuse.
But why am I not attracted at all? The interest in the opposite sex, which was once the driving force of my life, just wasn’t there.
Maybe I’m tired these days.
“I think I’ll just go home today. I want to rest a bit.”
“Ah… I see. Can’t be helped then.”
I felt sorry for disappointing Seo Subin, but today, the predictable advances and comments that inevitably come with drinking gatherings just felt bothersome.
It was strange. Have I been that tired lately?
*
[Ryu Jeong-ha: I finished organizing the table of contents. Should I send it via KakaoTalk? Or should I print it out on the day we have class?]
Ryu Jeong-ha’s message appeared in the liberal arts group chat.
He finished organizing faster than I expected. It must have been overwhelming to do it alone.
I straightened up from my slouched position against the chair’s backrest and checked the chats exchanged in the group.
I was already carrying around the notebook, thinking I should deal with it soon. It seemed better to return it now and let him dispose of it himself.
He had essentially paid his dues for the notebook by organizing all those contents alone. He also promised not to draw anymore.
That’s what I thought at the time. Whether Ryu Jeong-ha was gay or had any interest in me, I thought returning the notebook here would end it all.
“Oppa, what happened to your face? Did you get hurt?”
“A cat scratched me.”
“What! At our school?”
“That’s weird. I didn’t know we had such a vicious cat at our school.”
“It was in a different neighborhood…”
Ryu Jeong-ha, still wearing a band-aid on his face, treated me like I didn’t exist from the moment he entered the room.
As if I were invisible, he didn’t even glance in my direction.
I knew he was afraid of me, but I even applied medicine for him. Is he really going to completely ignore me?
I sat askew, staring intently at Ryu Jeong-ha. I was curious if the wound on his face was healing properly, but the band-aid made it impossible to see. I couldn’t ask him to remove it either.
After staring fixedly at Ryu Jeong-ha’s face for a while, he seemed to sense my gaze and briefly glanced in my direction. Then, as if he’d seen a ghost, he startled and frantically began looking around elsewhere.
That reaction really irked me. What exactly did I do? I even applied medicine after he got scratched by a cat. He’s ungrateful and completely ignoring me. And why does he keep biting his perfectly fine lips?
It’s not the first time he’s acted like a trapped mouse at the mere sight of my shadow, but it’s particularly annoying this time.
Although I hadn’t spoken very nicely, I hadn’t been scary enough to cause such a reaction.
Provoked by Ryu Jeong-ha’s attitude, I deliberately took out the notebook from my bag and placed it ostentatiously on the desk. Soon after, Ryu Jeong-ha noticed the notebook and looked at me with a bewildered expression.
The satisfaction I had been lacking finally started to build up a little.
But that didn’t last long. My patience evaporated again at his persistent attitude of not speaking a word to me and treating me like I didn’t exist.
“Um… Do you have something to say to me?”
When Ryu Jeong-ha finally addressed me first, I felt a strange sense of victory along with conflicting emotions.
Should I say no and just return the notebook? Or should I push him a bit since I’m annoyed at being ignored?
My mood leaned towards the latter.
“I’ve been wondering. Are you shameless, or just thoughtless? You don’t even seem to care about getting your notebook back. Doesn’t it bother you at all?”
“…”
“Would you be okay if I went around telling everyone you’re gay?”
“…No.”
As expected, the color drained from his face quickly.
“I’m sorry.”
And then came the apology, followed by,
“It’s because I like you so much. But I know it’s creepy to do such things just because I have one-sided feelings…”
An unexpected confession.
Wait, I didn’t expect this. What is he saying now? Coming on so strong?
I was taken aback by the serious confession that came flying in response to my simple provocation. How can someone who looks so timid throw out a confession so casually? Isn’t he embarrassed?
After that, I completely lost whatever stubbornness and fighting spirit that had been boiling inside me. Was it such a big deal that Ryu Jeong-ha didn’t acknowledge me? We’re not close enough to chat casually face to face anyway.
By the way, why does my ear itch so much when a guy confesses to me? The voice that flowed into my earlobe felt ticklish, like it was being rubbed with a feather.
Belatedly realizing what he had said, Ryu Jeong-ha’s face turned bright red, and he left the room, making a flimsy excuse.
The presence that had been bothering me all along was finally gone, and suddenly I craved a cigarette.
“I’m going out for a smoke.”
“Hey, it’s raining outside!”
“I won’t get wet if I stand in front of the building.”
“Okay. Come back soon.”
I left Choi Kyung-won and Shin Ji-ye behind and went outside. My head was full of pointless thoughts, but I couldn’t grasp exactly what they were.
I took a deep drag from the lit cigarette under the building. As Choi Kyung-won said, it was raining.
The rain, which had been falling lightly, suddenly started pouring like a downpour just as I thought the raindrops were getting heavier at an alarming rate. Didn’t Ryu Jeong-ha go out to buy an umbrella? He’ll get soaked even with an umbrella in this rain.
As I was thinking about this while finishing my cigarette, Ryu Jeong-ha returned carrying a convenience store bag.
He was much more drenched than I had expected. No, not just drenched, he was soaked to the bone.
“Did you just walk through that rain?”
“On my way… the rain suddenly got heavier.”
“The umbrella was just an excuse anyway. You could have just come back.”
“…”
“It’s not like someone forced you to go…”
Is this guy an idiot? Why is he so naive?
Moreover, his lips were bleeding. I knew this would happen. He had been tormenting those perfectly fine lips.
When I pointed out that he was bleeding, Ryu Jeong-ha was startled and wiped his lips. However, he kept rubbing in the wrong direction, so the blood that had seeped out remained pooled.
“Here, an umbrella. Use it when you leave later.”
Who asked for an umbrella? He’s shivering from the cold, yet he has the leisure to get an umbrella for someone else? This is ridiculous.
Feeling frustrated, I stepped under Ryu Jeong-ha’s umbrella and pointed precisely at the bleeding part of his lip.
Honestly, I don’t know why I got so close. My hand moved on its own, and I almost wiped it for him, but I managed to hold back with all my might.
Shit, why are his lips shaped like that? And why is he completely soaked?
I found myself hastily scanning Ryu Jeong-ha without realizing it.
‘Guys who look like that are rare, you know.’
Kim Yong-woo’s words flowed back into my mind.
“…”
Now I understand clearly.
Ryu Jeong-ha is pretty. Not just pretty, but pretty enough to catch the eye of someone like me who usually recoils at the sight of men.
But so what? He’s still a man. He might draw attention for being exceptionally good-looking, but he’s still the same gender.
And I’m not gay. I’ve dated women well until now.
“…”
I’m clearly a heterosexual without a doubt, but why didn’t I feel disgusted at all when I saw those wet lips up close?
The thought of wanting to see them closer, in more detail.
Why is that?
“…This is strange.”
I stopped abruptly while climbing the stairs.
Unable to suppress the urge to turn and look at Ryu Jeong-ha, who was docilely following me, I turned around.
Unaware of what I was thinking inside, Ryu Jeong-ha slowly blinked his clear eyes.
“Do you like candy?”
Those submissive and wet eyes looking up at me. Those injured and trembling lips.
I want to put something between those lips. Then I might understand what this strange feeling is.
My absurd request stemmed from that ridiculous curiosity.
I held out the candy I had received earlier from Shin Ji-ye to Ryu Jeong-ha. And Ryu Jeong-ha stared blankly at the candy with an oblivious look.
Just be suspicious. Tell me not to say weird things and walk away.
I thought while looking at the doubtful white face. I secretly hoped that Ryu Jeong-ha would cut off this undefinable curiosity from his side.
But the pink lips opened slowly, carefully taking the candy into his mouth. It felt as if all my senses were being sucked into those damn lips.
Those narrow lips tinged with blood looked more appetizing than the sweetness of that candy.
And at some point, I imagined things I shouldn’t about Ryu Jeong-ha.
