Chapter 52
“She’s a new member of our study group. Of course we exchange contact information among study group members.”
“Oh.”
My mouth opened slightly at the simple answer. Then my face reddened with the embarrassment that followed.
“Then, then it was just my misunderstanding…”
“Is that why you kept avoiding me? Both at the library and today?”
Ah. What should I do? I feel like I’m going to die of embarrassment.
“…Yes.”
“We both misunderstood each other.”
If I were to twist Kwon-oh’s words, I could raise several more questions, but I didn’t even have the desire to do so. That’s because I read sincerity in his eyes and expression.
It felt like all the tension that had been wrapping me up was unraveling.
To think it was such a ridiculous and simple misunderstanding.
I couldn’t believe I had been mentally struggling for days over this trivial issue.
I bit my lower lip and avoided Kwon-oh’s gaze.
“I’m, I’m embarrassed. …*sniff*”
“…I think it’s my fault for not explaining earlier. Ah, should I show you my conversation with that girl? It’s really nothing.”
“Is that okay?”
I asked while rubbing my eyelids due to my blurry vision.
“She did ask to meet on Wednesday, but I already declined saying I couldn’t.”
Kwon-oh took out his phone and immediately opened KakaoTalk. I could see dozens of notifications piled up in both group and individual chats. This was different from me, whose chat window was usually quiet.
Kwon-oh scrolled down a little and showed me his KakaoTalk conversation with the female student.
As he said, there was nothing special about the content. Kwon-oh clearly declined the girl’s invitation, and there was no further conversation after that.
Only then did I open up a bit more with a lighter heart than before.
“Earlier when you kept telling me to go home… I thought you were trying to send me away to meet her.”
“Are you crazy? Absolutely not. Do you think I’m insane to leave you behind?”
Kwon-oh reacted as if he was jumping up in surprise.
“But, but you tried to force me to leave even when I said I didn’t want to go.”
“When you’re clearly not feeling well, should I have kept you here?”
“…”
Now that I hear it, that makes sense.
“Anyway. What did you think I meant when I said I liked you? Do you still not trust me?”
I shook my head. Then I timidly protested.
“But earlier… why were you angry and not making eye contact when we left the restaurant? Without saying anything…”
“Honestly, I was angry then. You ignored me at the library and left, and didn’t you lie to me saying you never left the art studio that day?”
“Ah.”
Come to think of it, I did lie to Kwon-oh too.
He knew I had been to the library but still came to see me, saying he wanted to see my face and giving me snacks, acting as if nothing had happened. Thinking about it now, I felt sorry for unintentionally lying, only considering my own position.
“Anyway, you ignored me at the library and lied about only being in the art studio, and then suddenly you asked to meet on Wednesday. On Wednesday, we’d have to meet after all classes are over. It’s really just for a short time in the evening, right?”
“…”
“Do you dislike seeing me for long? Shit, I wondered if you found it boring to spend the whole weekend together after meeting. I was already worried because you were acting strange before that…”
Kwon-oh roughly rubbed the back of his neck and continued speaking quickly.
“Then when we met today, you kept looking like you had something to say? You wouldn’t even let me touch you even though you were clearly sick? Like I was some kind of germ.”
A germ? That’s ridiculous. Did I really act that foolishly?
Hearing this, I could fully understand his position too. Although it wasn’t intentional, I had repeatedly done things that could cause misunderstandings for him.
“I never treated you like a germ…”
“Anyway, I… shit, how could I not get upset?”
Kwon-oh’s pressing words didn’t sound scary at all. Earlier, even a slightly lowered voice made me feel sad, but now it just tickled me without any impact. It was strange.
Seeing me repeatedly opening and closing my mouth, Kwon-oh shook his head and laid me down on the bed.
“Forget it, just take your medicine and sleep.”
“I’m sorry for lying, Kwon-oh.”
We quietly looked at each other for a moment. I kept squeezing my eyes shut and opening them again because my vision kept getting blurry.
“Why are you crying? We’ve cleared up the misunderstanding.”
“I don’t know. Maybe because the tension is gone. …And because I feel stupid and dumbfounded at myself.”
“No. After hearing everything, it seems my fault is bigger. It’s my mouth that’s the problem.”
I shook my head and rubbed my eyes.
“I’m so frustrating… Getting all worked up alone and misunderstanding. Not even able to ask.”
“You’re not frustrating at all.”
Kwon-oh wiped my forehead where cold sweat had formed. I blinked slowly, enjoying his touch.
“You’ve probably dated so many girls… and have a lot of experience. But I, I’m not like that… so I keep failing to speak honestly.”
At my words, Kwon-oh’s hand stopped abruptly.
“Why is the subject suddenly changing like that?”
He raised one eyebrow and spoke with dissatisfaction.
“It’s true though. You’ve dated so many girls.”
“…Not that many.”
“As soon as you turned twenty… you didn’t turn away any girls who approached you.”
“That was before I met Ryu Jeong-ha.”
“Still, you dated a lot.”
I retorted playfully. I wasn’t truly angry. The past was something that couldn’t be helped, and if I were a woman, I wouldn’t have left a handsome man like Kwon-oh alone either.
“Forgive me.”
But Kwon-oh answered my joke seriously. He lay down on the empty space next to me on the bed, facing me closely.
“You’re the first person I’ve liked so much that my mood swings with a single word. And the first to make me cling like a madman. …Really.”
“…”
“Sometimes I don’t know what to do because I like you so much. Even earlier…”
Kwon-oh paused for a moment and pressed his lips together. Then he held my hand.
I carefully interlocked my fingers with his large hand and held it. My heart was beating so fast that it made me dizzy.
“Shit, I was at a loss for what to say if you decided you couldn’t do this after meeting me.”
Kwon-oh checked our interlocked hands that had become like one and squeezed tightly.
When he was smoking expressionlessly in front of the restaurant, I thought he was just angry, but I didn’t know he was thinking like this inside.
“Anyway, Ryu Jeong-ha, you have a talent for playing with people’s hearts while pretending not to.”
“When did I ever play with…”
I was the one being swept away and getting sucked into a whirlpool, so it was ridiculous to hear Kwon-oh say such things.
But I decided to swallow the disappointment and dissatisfaction inside. Instead, I decided to say what really needed to be said.
“Kwon-oh.”
“Yeah?”
It seemed like the perfect timing now, as we were holding hands and sharing each other’s warmth.
“Let’s date.”
“What?”
“I want… to be in a relationship with you.”
In the end, my feelings for Kwon-oh overtook my fear. The original plan was not to give my heart completely. But now, I felt that I didn’t care about Kwon-oh’s past or personality, whatever they might be.
Despite still being concerned about those things, I wanted to become Kwon-oh’s boyfriend.
“You’re not just saying anything because you’re sick and out of it, right?”
“I’m serious.”
“Are you okay with not meeting all three times?”
I nodded slightly. Then a smile spread across Kwon-oh’s lips.
“Okay, let’s date.”
I stared blankly at his lips that curved upwards at the sides, forming a refreshing arc.
“You can’t cancel this on your own.”
“Why would I cancel? I won’t.”
“…”
“…”
We lay facing each other in silence, carefully taking in each other’s faces. It was a distance where if either of us moved our head just a little forward, our noses would barely touch.
Maybe because it just happened, even though Kwon-oh was this close, it didn’t feel real that I was now dating him.
It was amazing that the person I had only been able to follow secretly with my eyes and ears was now in my hands. It just feels like a dream.
I gazed long and intently at Kwon-oh’s face, which I never got tired of looking at.
“Hey, about that picture… you asked me to draw before, were you serious?”
“Yeah.”
“Should I draw it for you?”
“I’d like that.”
Kwon-oh answered without hesitation. I traced his face with my fingertips. I freely caressed the high bridge of his nose, thick eyebrows, and the volume of his sunken eyelids as if they were my own.
Because the sun has gotten stronger as summer approaches, Kwon-oh’s face seemed slightly more tanned than when I first saw him.
I liked his slightly sun-kissed skin too. It made him look healthy and full of vitality. Just like Kwon-oh.
Thinking that I could now draw him proudly, not in secret, my chest swelled with anticipation and joy.
“Where should I draw?”
Since it’s not an assignment, I can’t draw in the art studio. Even if I were to draw Kwon-oh’s portrait for assignment submission… No. I didn’t feel comfortable with that on my end.
If Kwon-oh frequently came in and out of the art studio, it would attract too much attention. I don’t want to work while drawing attention.
“My place?”
I quickly accepted the simple option Kwon-oh offered.
“But if we do it at your place, won’t the paint smell be a problem?”
“It’s fine.”
“The easel and canvas will take up a lot of space too.”
“Please take up all the space.”
