Chapter 98
“You say I’m misunderstanding? What misunderstanding?”
“I…”
I was about to say something more but quickly closed my mouth.
As he said, there were too many things on my mind to just blurt out excuses. First of all, I wasn’t even sure how much senior Lee Sung-rok knew.
If I explained too much, I risked revealing more than necessary.
But if I just let it go like this, I was worried about how it might affect Joo Kwon-oh’s future school life.
It seems certain that Lee Sung-rok knows something…
“I’m the only one who likes him.”
At times like this, it was necessary to mix truth and lies appropriately. I continued speaking, feeling my voice tremble slightly.
“I’ve been ch-chasing after him too much… Kwon-oh met with me a few times…”
“So you’re not dating?”
Senior Lee Sung-rok asked. It felt like an interrogation. I painfully nodded.
“…No. I’m telling you this because I’m worried you might misunderstand in a strange way because of me.”
I couldn’t bring myself to look him directly in the eye, so I lowered my gaze. Because of this, I couldn’t see his expression to tell if he believed me or not.
“Well. I can see how that might be the case. But you don’t need to explain yourself to me like this.”
“As you said, I don’t need to explain, but from Kwon-oh’s perspective, it might seem unfair… and if that happens, I’d feel sorry towards Kwon-oh too.”
“So you’re saying there’s nothing between you two?”
“Yes.”
My throat tightened as I admitted there was nothing between Joo Kwon-oh and me. An anxious and unpleasant feeling quickly pooled in my chest.
“Then it wouldn’t matter to you if Kwon-oh dated another girl?”
“Of course not.”
I nodded without hesitation. Even though I knew he was deliberately saying this to bring down my mood, I had no choice but to answer, swayed by his words.
“I see.”
And after a moment, a meaningful reply came back.
After that, I couldn’t calm down at all. I don’t even know how I managed to reach the practice room, meet Kim Jae-hyun, and eat.
My head kept feeling fuzzy and my heart was racing. My chest felt heavy and stifling, as if a stone was pressing down on it.
“Hey, Ryu Jeong-ha. Are you listening to me?”
“…”
“Are you ignoring me? You’ve been out of it for a while now… Are you coming down with a cold?”
Kim Jae-hyun, unable to bear it anymore, asked while feeling my forehead. Only then did I push Kim Jae-hyun away and shook my head.
“Aack, shit! What’s this! Why are you sweating so much? My hand is all wet now.”
Kim Jae-hyun made a fuss after removing his hand, so I touched my own forehead. As he said, cold sweat had formed densely enough to make my skin damp. No wonder Kim Jae-hyun was surprised.
I don’t usually sweat this much. Is it because I’m too nervous in this hot weather?
While half-listening to Kim Jae-hyun’s words, I kept dwelling on the conversation with senior Lee Sung-rok, and my anxiety seemed to peak.
“Sorry. I think I’m not feeling well.”
“No, if you’re feeling that bad, you should have said something instead of coming out.”
“I was fine when I left. Haa.”
“Anyway, you’re surprisingly delicate. Since you don’t have a fever, you must be suffering from the heat.”
“…”
“How do you manage your part-time job being this frail? Sheesh. Go home early and rest.”
“What about you?”
“I’ll do some sketching alone and go home when the sun sets. It’s too hot to move right now.”
“Then why did you come out on such a hot day?”
“I didn’t know it would be this hellish because the air conditioner was on. Haven’t you been drawing anything lately?”
“I was preparing to draw something…”
Coincidentally, it was Joo Kwon-oh. Come to think of it, my whole world was dyed with Joo Kwon-oh right now. And with this sudden crisis, that world was on the brink of destruction.
Kim Jae-hyun nagged about health for about five minutes after that, then pushed me out, unable to bear watching me any longer.
I felt sorry for just sitting blankly in the practice room before leaving, but at the time, all I could think about was wanting to lie down somewhere.
In the end, unable to endure the dizziness and nausea, I left the practice room.
As soon as I returned to my apartment, I lay down on the bed without even changing clothes.
The moment my back touched the mattress, Joo Kwon-oh called. It was a check-in call to ask if I was having fun.
Without realizing it, I lied and said nothing had happened. After exchanging a few light words, the short call ended, and I felt completely drained. Then belated regret washed over me.
I definitely made a mistake. I shouldn’t have spoken to the senior like that.
He’s not even close to me, and there was no need for me to bring up our relationship first. Out of fear of being caught and not wanting to cause trouble for Joo Kwon-oh, I acted too hastily.
Should I contact him now and ask him to forget what I said earlier? But would that conversation be forgotten just like that? It would probably make things even stranger.
I covered my eyes with my arm and sighed. What should I do in this situation?
How on earth did we get caught?
The look in senior Lee Sung-rok’s eyes as he gazed down at me flickered in my mind like an afterimage. His suddenly changed attitude, from someone who had been kind until now, was not easily erased.
It was more frightening and anxiety-inducing than when Joo Kwon-oh caught me with the notebook at the beginning of the semester.
Senior Lee Sung-rok was someone who could influence even Joo Kwon-oh. Not only was he a senior in the same department, but he seemed to be in a position to help Joo Kwon-oh a lot in terms of career.
All I wanted was for Joo Kwon-oh not to face any trouble. But it seems like I messed it up.
Should I have consulted with Joo Kwon-oh before talking to the senior? Would I be less anxious now if I had?
After lying still for a while, I picked up my phone and looked at senior Lee Sung-rok’s Instagram that I had seen before.
At a glance, he seemed to have a wide network and excellent interpersonal relationships. It was natural that he had a big influence at school, given that he came from a wealthy family and even helped close juniors get jobs.
It was senior Lee Sung-rok who first suggested to Joo Kwon-oh to apply for the expo planning staff position.
What are the chances that Joo Kwon-oh will be disadvantaged because of today’s incident? Even at a glance, his attitude wasn’t favorable. If rumors spread in school, what should I do then?
Should I tell Joo Kwon-oh after all? How should I bring it up if I tell him? That I think our relationship has been discovered? That as more people know about our relationship, more people will view him strangely? And then what?
Come to think of it, when I started dating Joo Kwon-oh, who was heterosexual, I didn’t tell him anything about the potential risks this relationship entailed.
Joo Kwon-oh probably never considered that his daily life could be disrupted as a price for dating me.
So I was afraid of how Joo Kwon-oh would react when he belatedly learned this fact.
Just thinking about it made my temples throb. No matter how I looked at it, there didn’t seem to be a clear solution.
“Haa.”
Another sigh, I don’t know how many, escaped. My head felt heavy from worrying about so many things.
Thump thump thump.
I opened my eyes, startled by the loud sound echoing through my apartment. Quickly sitting up and looking around, I saw the brightly lit fluorescent light and the darkened window outside.
“When did I fall asleep?”
I mumbled in a hoarse voice, rubbing my eyes. The thumping sound came from outside again.
I turned my gaze towards the entrance. As it turned out, someone was knocking on the front door.
“Wh-who is it?”
“It’s me. Kwon-oh.”
“Ah.”
It was Joo Kwon-oh. I sprang out of bed like a spring, straightened the blanket, and checked the mirror. After inspecting my face for any drool or pillow marks, I opened the door.
“What brings you here?”
“What do you mean? I came to Seoul, so I have to see my peach’s face.”
He grinned and grabbed my face, planting kisses all over without warning.
Having just woken up and feeling disoriented, plus with his lips flying all over my face without pause, it took me a moment to realize that Joo Kwon-oh was holding my cheeks with both hands.
“Did you do well? What did you do today? Your eyes are really puffy, looks like you slept a lot.”
“…Wait. Where’s your cast?”
“I got it removed.”
“Really? They said it’s okay now?”
“Yeah. They said it’s completely healed.”
Joo Kwon-oh casually waved the arm that had been injured and smiled.
“That’s great. Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”
“They had to do tests to know for sure. But why is your face so pale?”
“Ah… Actually, I went to school today…”
I started to bring up the school but hesitated. I was debating whether to confess about meeting senior Lee Sung-rok today.
“You went to school and?”
I couldn’t bring myself to tell Joo Kwon-oh, who was looking at me with a smile, completely unaware, that our relationship had been discovered.
I was too scared that the smile on his lips might disappear. Just imagining Joo Kwon-oh’s expression turning cold made my eyes sting.
“…I think I got indigestion from eating lunch there with a friend.”
Before I knew it, different words were coming out of my mouth.
At the same time, in my head, a scenario unfolded where Joo Kwon-oh, conscious of others’ gazes, started distancing himself from me if I told the truth.
Even though I knew the Joo Kwon-oh I knew wouldn’t do that, I, consumed by imaginary misfortunes, felt increasingly pathetic and small.
How cowardly of me to avoid the most important thing for fear of being abandoned at a time like this. Why am I so cowardly?
I couldn’t look at him straight due to self-loathing.
“What did you eat that gave you indigestion?”
“Cold noodles.”
“How are you now? If you haven’t had dinner yet, should I go buy some porridge?”
“Ah, no. I’m okay now.”
The more Joo Kwon-oh worried about me, the deeper my regret grew about what had happened earlier in the day.
