Delusive Fate

#133

“Hunter Ki, what are you doing?!”

“Come to your senses, Ki Baek-woo!”

The scream-like shouts were heard faintly, buried under the destruction sounds echoing throughout the dungeon. Baek-woo ignores those voices. A warm, dull pain spread across his forehead, making his brow throb. It was a pain he had become familiar with. Baek-woo nonchalantly wipes his nose and mouth with the back of his hand. Glistening blood smeared across his black tactical gloves, mixed with dust. He paid no attention to that. He simply stared straight ahead.

His field of vision was tilted to the right and narrowed as if half had been cut away. What filled this narrow vision was a familiar yet eternally strange darkness. A monster incomparably larger than the human Baek-woo. Destruction.

Standing before Destruction, Baek-woo staggered momentarily from dizziness. The headache split his crown with sharp pain. He forcibly endured by putting strength into his legs. Gritting his teeth, he strongly pressed his left eye. The neurotic gesture seemed as if it might burst his eyeball.

‘Should I just rip it out?’

His left eye, swollen so red-black that the pupil and white couldn’t be distinguished. Just before, it had gone completely black, unable to withstand the power he had used to its limit. The annoying headache was originating from there. He couldn’t remember exactly when his vision had been halved. Such things were too trivial an issue for Baek-woo, so he had no reason to care while indulging in the luxury of counting. He wasn’t afraid or sad that his sight might be permanently lost. His entire consciousness was consumed by a single purpose.

So, can this sensation of being blind in one eye compare to the pain Lee Han-sol has felt? So, can this process of pouring out abilities until this state and breaking down compare to the pain Han-sol has gone through? So, will I self-destruct now in rampage? How does that compare to which of Han-sol’s deaths? Will the Destruction before me crush me to death? If so, how does that compare to which of Han-sol’s deaths…

Huh, huh, huh…

Extreme fatigue washed over him. Sharp pain stabbed his muscles and internal organs. Baek-woo’s torn lips parted and rough breaths burst forth. Nevertheless, he gathered his remaining strength and poured it toward the monster he faced. It was an ability that had already lost its destructive power from exhaustion, and it merely drew the monster’s attention without injuring it. That was fortunate. Because that was Baek-woo’s purpose.

Grrrrr.

The eyes of Destruction standing guard before the gate core were as red as blood that had just begun to flow. The monster’s eyeballs, which instinctively evoked fear and displeasure, rolled down. The monster’s red pupils, elongated to the sides. Inside them, hundreds or thousands of other pupils clustered like frog eggs in a membrane. The countless collection of pupils stared precisely at Baek-woo.

Grrr, grrrrrr.

A strange sound leaked from the bizarre body that looked blackened as if scorched. Long ago, when Baek-woo was still seven years old. Back then, such sounds clearly came from beyond the deep hole that had swallowed the apartment complex, as he held hands with Han-sol looking down. Grrr, the monstrous sound of Destruction that seemed like laughter. And then what followed…

Craaack!

The sound of bones being crushed echoed from Baek-woo’s body, held in Destruction’s hand. Listening to the sound of his body being shattered into pieces, Baek-woo thought distantly.

‘This sound came back then too. The sound of the monster chewing up mother.’

Then he recalled. That time when he first heard this sound when he was young. The day when Han-sol reached out his hand first to Baek-woo, who always followed behind him. Ah, how perfect that day was. Because Han-sol didn’t push away useless him, because he gripped so strongly that they couldn’t tell whose sweat was making their palms sticky, because he took him and ran far away before the “crack, crunch” sounds of mother dying became frightening… So that day when this sound didn’t remain as trauma, a perfectly perfect day that would never come again in Baek-woo’s life.

‘If hyung were beside me… I wouldn’t be scared even now…’

Crack, crunch. Amid the terrifying noise of his body being crushed and mangled, Baek-woo vomited blood that had clotted up. He was dying. The pain was extreme and fear rose. Even in such a moment, he recalled Han-sol. Han-sol smiling joyfully with his mouth wide open, Han-sol blushing happily, Han-sol saying “I love you” so casually. And, “Baek-wooo…” Han-sol disappearing between the monster’s teeth, calling Baek-woo’s name with a completely broken voice.

“No, Hunter Ki Baek-woo! Wake up! You can live if you just keep breathing, don’t close your eyes!”

Someone who was raiding together ran toward Baek-woo, who was being destroyed in the monster’s hand. Unfortunately, Baek-woo’s already scattered mind couldn’t recognize that voice. Even if he had recognized it, nothing would have changed. Closing his eyes and willingly accepting death, Baek-woo thought until the end.

So, can this death compare to Han-sol’s death, being crushed in Destruction’s mouth?

Is this truly a step closer to having a chance to ask Han-sol for forgiveness?

***

‘Three times.’

Baek-woo counted the number as soon as he opened his eyes. A familiar ceiling came into view. Beep, beep, beep. A familiar mechanical sound flowed regularly. A familiar smell wafted. It was the cold smell unique to hospital rooms, with the bitter scent of medications faintly dissolved. Baek-woo realized he was in the Center’s recovery room. This was the third time he was experiencing this.

“What on earth are you trying to do?”

Recovery Team Leader Hwang Ji-young, who had been monitoring Baek-woo’s room in real-time, immediately opened the door and came in scolding. Two or three Recovery Team staff followed behind Leader Hwang like a tail. Leader Hwang Ji-young, sighing, nodded once toward those who followed. The staff moved in unison and attached themselves to Baek-woo. They checked Baek-woo’s blood pressure and temperature with a somewhat resigned attitude, as if they were doing something useless.

“How many times is this now? Hunter Ki Baek-woo, tell me.”

‘Three times.’

Baek-woo thought, staring at the ceiling like a doll. Just the third time. It was still woefully insufficient to reach the twenty-five deaths that Han-sol had experienced. Twenty-two times. He had to repeat this act twenty-two more times.

At the daunting number, Baek-woo felt difficulty breathing as if his lungs were being crushed. The pain of having all his bones shattered and internal organs burst while being crushed in the monster’s hand belatedly pierced his consciousness. Baek-woo gritted his teeth and swallowed his groans. He found himself ridiculous for suffering so much after just three times. Han-sol’s voice, shouting in fury, came to mind.

‘Yet you couldn’t even sleep because you were afraid of just such dreams. I experienced that for real!’

Resentment that was full of hatred, close to a scream. Baek-woo knelt and begged to such a Han-sol. Now that I know everything, I’ll never do that again, I now know how hard it must have been for hyung, so please give me a chance to be forgiven—he rubbed his hands together and babbled shamelessly.

The expression of Han-sol, who looked down at Baek-woo without responding to those words, who seemed only empty as if giving up everything in an instant, flashes in his memory. Baek-woo didn’t know at that time what that vulnerable appearance meant. Only now does Baek-woo understand why Han-sol’s eyes, which were wet yet clear with anger, became blankly blurred.

‘I shouldn’t have said I knew everything… Why do I keep…’

Why do I keep ruining everything? Baek-woo intensely hated himself. Now I know? What do I dare know to say such things? Hyung must have found me utterly ridiculous. It was the third time that Baek-woo, who had resolved to die as many times as Han-sol had died, threw himself before Destruction, stopped breathing, and repeated the process of hopelessly opening his eyes again. He sneered in overwhelming pain.

Why is hyung still gentle? How can he be so kind to such an extent? If I were hyung, I would have strangled someone like me the moment I dared to babble that I now know everything.

Baek-woo couldn’t even imagine how disgusted Han-sol must have felt toward him then. Dying was painful. Being crushed by monsters, thrown, and dying miserably in front of everyone was agonizing. Skin tearing, bones crumbling, the sensation of not being able to see, hear, or breathe—all of it was incredibly painful. The fear that came when consciousness broke was enormous. It was terribly frightening to know that repetition, not an end, followed this pain.

Thinking that Han-sol had experienced this, Baek-woo couldn’t bear it. It felt as if Han-sol, who had repeated such cruel things endlessly, was wandering throughout Baek-woo’s body. It was as if the many kinds of suffering Han-sol had felt, and his mind that had become vulnerable from rotting inside, were infecting every peripheral nerve of Baek-woo.

How did hyung endure this? Why did he endure it? Why did hyung have to experience such a thing? I want to kill everyone, kill everyone and disappear by dying myself…

Feeling pity for Han-sol, detesting himself for making Han-sol that way, hating the world that made him that way—anger and murderous intent surged. It felt uncomfortable, as if a huge weight was lodged in his solar plexus. And Baek-woo felt so sad that Han-sol, who was still good and kind despite this state, who was still tender and warm-hearted, did nothing to Baek-woo who babbled that he “knew everything.” Guilt heavily pressed down on his shoulders. His mind precariously teetered from the suffering.

He felt guilty for pretending to know everything, having merely embraced the pain felt through dreams without directly experiencing this terrifying ordeal. Self-deprecation and self-hatred continually emerged to an unbearable degree. Baek-woo felt like running to a gate and dying right away. He had to die.