Delusive Fate

#122

That day, Choi Tae-hyun placed Ppomi in Lee Han-sol’s arms before sending him home.

‘I said you don’t like being alone, Han-sol. Ppomi is warm, so you’ll sleep well if you hold her.’

Despite Choi Tae-hyun’s words that were filled with apology, Lee Han-sol couldn’t fall asleep that night. Until dawn broke, distracting thoughts chained together and stirred him up. He thought of Ki Baek-woo, didn’t want to think of him, then thought about chopping Choi Tae-hyuk into fifteen pieces, and then thought about wanting to die. But I can’t even die. Because to die, I have to do what that bastard, that fucking Jung Yi-dam, tells me to do. Don’t be ridiculous. Do you think I’d do what you say?

Tiresome thoughts flowed like water. Lee Han-sol mulled over the nonsense Jung Yi-dam had spouted.

Lee Han-sol, you are set up to like Ki Baek-woo and then be abandoned. As long as you like Ki Baek-woo, he is destined to come to me somehow, following the story determined by the system. And he will certainly abandon Lee Han-sol. Miserably abandoned, Lee Han-sol dies miserably.

But in this cycle, you no longer wanted Ki Baek-woo. You let Ki Baek-woo know about your changed heart. With that, the story finally twisted and small errors began to occur in the system. Small errors create other errors, and those errors create yet more new errors. Small errors, unnoticeable to the system, spread like bacteria and eventually become enormous. The system belatedly focuses all its neural pathways on fixing these massive errors. It becomes so distributed among numerous errors that it fails to realize that the lead Ki Baek-woo and protagonist me have escaped its coercive power, and it can’t control me anymore.

So that’s how I can… come to you like this, Han-sol. You gave me freedom. Do you understand?

So now, make one more effort to ensure the already twisted story cannot find its place again.

Make Ki Baek-woo cling to you, not me. Never leave Ki Baek-woo. Love Ki Baek-woo again. Go against the story and love each other to death once more. And then I will be the one who dies.

Jung Yi-dam had said this with frighteningly sparkling eyes. He told Lee Han-sol to kill him that way. That then, the part of the system inside him would also die away forever, creating an irreversible error… His pupils, staring chillingly straight, dilated as if drugged. The round black circles grew so large that the dark brown irises were no longer visible. With such eyes, Jung Yi-dam repeated the same words over and over, as if trying to forcibly implant his message into Lee Han-sol’s mind.

Trust me, Han-sol. Then the game will never be played again. You can live normally in an ordinary world that will no longer reload, grow old normally, and die normally. That will be a real death. Like me, whom you killed. So trust me. I’m the only one you can trust in this world. I know you inside out. That pathetic Ki Baek-woo cannot compare to me. So trust me.

Only you can save me, and only I can save you.

You MUST trust me.

‘Son of a bitch. He thinks I’m an idiot…’

Lee Han-sol gritted his teeth, leaning against the cold wall of a house as dark as Jung Yi-dam’s black pupils. Whether Jung Yi-dam’s words were true or not didn’t matter. What Lee Han-sol wanted was for Jung Yi-dam to suffer because of him.

‘I’ll make your life hell forever too.’

Just as you made me like this, I’ll return the favor exactly. So you can never die, Jung Yi-dam. Suffer until you die. Suffer for your entire life.

Lee Han-sol muttered solemnly like a righteous person with a noble cause, tapping his forehead against the wall. Even if I die, I won’t do what Jung Yi-dam wants. I will never do it. Even if I go crazy wanting to die.

Even if Ki Baek-woo is dying.

I will never care about such things.

‘You ignored me too.’

Lee Han-sol groaned in frustration. Why. Why do you do this to me? Why is everyone doing this only to me…! Thud, boom, bang, bang, bang! As overwhelming emotions surged again, Lee Han-sol rammed his forehead into the wall with increasing force.

Ki Baek-woo, you didn’t care whether I lived or died either. You don’t even remember that. Whether it was what you wanted or not, you already did it!

‘So I don’t care either.’

Even if you die right in front of me, I won’t be sad at all. Even if you say it wasn’t what you wanted, what can I do? What the hell am I supposed to do! Ki Baek-woo made me like this, so what does it matter to me if he’s dying or not! Why should I know that? Why should I hear his name even here and because of him like this…! Why am I like this because of him…

Lee Han-sol pressed his hot forehead against the wall and dug his nails into the wallpaper. The house was still sparsely furnished. Like someone forcibly confined here, like someone begging to be taken out and saved from this place, his fingertips were desperate.

Why. Why can’t I escape from you? Why are you always around me? Please… leave me alone…

Lee Han-sol spent that night like this. He writhed in strange, overwhelming emotions, sunk in endless thoughts. Ppomi whined, circling around before gently resting her face against Lee Han-sol’s toes. Then she curled up into a ball and fell asleep. Huh, uh, huh, ngh… Lee Han-sol greeted the next morning, gasping in a state that was neither crying nor not crying. By daybreak, Lee Han-sol seemed emotionally numb, as if completely empty.

Tired. Sick of it.

Lee Han-sol picked up Ppomi and Choi Tae-hyun’s coat and stepped outside. He stood in front of Choi Tae-hyun’s front door. Instead of entering the password he clearly knew, he rang the doorbell. The door flung open as if he’d been expected.

‘Han-sol, you’re here…!’

Why didn’t you just come in, and you haven’t had breakfast, right? Come in quickly.

Choi Tae-hyun, in complete contrast to the depressed Lee Han-sol, led him by the arm. Lee Han-sol coldly shook him off. Then he handed over the coat and Ppomi, whom he had been carrying wrapped in that coat.

‘Ah, thank you. But Han-sol, first come in, huh? Where are you going!’

After handing over Ppomi, Lee Han-sol turned around silently and walked away. Lee Han-sol had decided not to get entangled with Choi Tae-hyun anymore. If he had known from the beginning that he was related to Choi Tae-hyuk, he would never have frequented this place like this. He had been trying to cut off anything even remotely related to Ki Baek-woo or Jung Yi-dam. But like an idiot, he hadn’t noticed that Choi Tae-hyun resembled Choi Tae-hyuk despite seeing him several times, and that’s why he had experienced that incident yesterday.

It wasn’t as if Lee Han-sol particularly liked or desperately wanted Choi Tae-hyun. To Lee Han-sol, all humans were the same. They were all just harmful to Earth, mosquitoes and cockroaches that needed to be eradicated immediately. It wasn’t Choi Tae-hyun but his house that had been nice. There was also Ppomi, who didn’t have annoying thoughts like humans, and lots of miscellaneous things to touch—that’s why he had visited.

I’m tired. I’m so tired I could die. I’m so sick of it that I feel like I’m suffocating.

It was obvious what Choi Tae-hyun might have heard from Choi Tae-hyuk after Lee Han-sol left yesterday. All the nonsense Lee Han-sol had been forced to hear while being used in this game. Rumors that made Lee Han-sol out to be the most miserable, worthless, and disgusting being. Choi Tae-hyun must have chewed on Lee Han-sol like gum with Choi Tae-hyuk while listening to such stories.

Lee Han-sol was certain of it. Choi Tae-hyun would now look at Lee Han-sol like a bug. Just like other fucking bastards had. Despite being bugs themselves. If Choi Tae-hyun kept clinging to him with a grin, it would be with an ulterior motive. Now that he knew who I was, he’d probably be eager to spread stories to Choi Tae-hyuk like “that disgusting C-rank who sucks up to the S-rank, blah blah blah.” Just like Kim Jin-oh’s bunch had pretended to be friends with me, constantly acting friendly while hiding their intentions.

All humans are the same. No. They’re not even human. They’re just useless characters in a garbage game. Lee Han-sol has no genuine feelings for such fakes. He just uses them, just as they use Lee Han-sol like a ball to throw around and play with according to input values.

So Lee Han-sol made up his mind to never associate with Choi Tae-hyun again. Since he hadn’t really been associating with him much anyway, there wasn’t much to decide. With that thought, Lee Han-sol pressed the elevator button. Even though it was just a five-story villa, the time it took for the elevator to arrive felt too long. To avoid Choi Tae-hyun, who was hurriedly putting on his shoes to come out, Lee Han-sol took the stairs.

‘Hey, Han-sol! Wait a moment…!’

Woof woof! Ppomi barked, following Choi Tae-hyun. Lee Han-sol ignored them and ran out of the building. Ah, right. I need to move out too. Since that’s Choi Tae-hyun’s fucking place, I should find another place today… No, there’s no need for that. Just go to a hotel. It’s not like I have many months left anyway. I can just stay anywhere and then die. It was wrong of me to think I should have a space for myself in my position. Yes, that was the mistake. He was in the middle of repeating such thoughts when someone grabbed just above his elbow. Unlike Lee Han-sol’s cold skin, the hot hand belonged to Choi Tae-hyun. As if making a show of having hurried, Choi Tae-hyun was catching his breath, huffing and puffing.

‘Let go, unless you want to die.’